“Fritz, you idiot! I didn’t order a boloney sandwich, I ordered an abalone sandwich!” – Kent Brockman’s Daughter Zombie Simpsons is sort of the deluded trust fund baby of television. It has all the money and fame it could want, but had basically nothing to do with acquiring them. (There are only a handful of people still working on the show who had anything to do with its success.) As a whole, the program lives quietly off of its inheritance. Only occasionally does it pause to congratulate itself, a sort of nervous tic designed to perpetuate the pleasing fiction that…
Month: May 2011
Quote of the Day
“Ah, these Laramie cigarettes give me the steady nerves I need to combat evil.” – Radioactive Man “Gee willikers, Radioactive Man, wished I was old enough to smoke Laramies.” – Fallout Boy “Sorry, Fallout Boy, not until you’re sixteen.” – Radioactive Man Happy 20th anniversary to “Three Men and a Comic Book”! Original airdate 9 May 1991.
Bonus Quote of the Day
“Hey, when do we get the check for this?” – Homer Simpson “Well, they said they changed it just enough so they don’t have to pay us.” – Marge Simpson “Oh, you know who the real crooks are? Those sleazy Hollywood producers.” – Homer Simpson Happy birthday James L. Brooks!
Sunday Preview: Homer Scissorhands
Image, watermark and all, yoinked from here. They released a promo image for this week’s episode, but Dave’s still on the run so I can’t get it bloodied up the way it should be. Instead, the picture above is the first Google Image search result for “Homer Scissorhands”, which comes from a now deactivated Deviant Art account. If you want to see the real promo in all its phenomenal drabness, Simpsons Channel has you covered. Here’s the nauseating description: After Homer discovers a genius talent for styling hair and opens his own salon, he becomes Springfield’s most in-demand hair stylist.…
Quote of the Day
“Hey, wait a minute. You’re gonna need a lane.” – Bowlarama Guy “No thanks, I’m just here out of spite.” – Marge Simpson
Quote of the Day
Image used under Creative Commons license from Flickr user jaxed. “Now, this girlfriend of yours, is she a real looker?” – Abe Simpson “Un-huh.” – Homer Simpson “A lot on the ball?” – Abe Simpson “Oh yeah.” – Homer Simpson “Oh son, don’t over reach. Go for the dented car, the dead end job, the less attractive girl. Oh well, I blame myself. I should’ve had this talk a long time ago.” – Abe Simpson “Thanks, pop.” – Homer Simpson Happy birthday Mike Reiss!
Reading Digest: Wretchedly Behind Edition
“Bart Simpson, you’re late. Go fill out a tardy slip.” – Mrs. Krabappel “But I’m only, five, ten, twenty . . . forty minutes! That’s pretty damn late.” – Bart Simpson A number of people sent in links, ideas and actual content this week, but I’m afraid I didn’t have time to get to it. On top of that, I’m several owed e-mails deep. In lieu of all that better stuff, here’s some other internet content. Sure it’s shorter than usual, but it’s also massively late in the day, so I’ve got both halves of “too little, too late” covered.…
Quote of the Day
“Very well, if that is the way the winds are blowing, let no one say I don’t also blow.” – Mayor Quimby
Compare & Contrast: Selma & Her Famous Husbands
“Cigarette, Mrs. McClure?” – Waiter “You bet! From now on, she’s smoking for two.” – Troy McClure Once upon a time, Selma married a famous guy for all the wrong reasons and it didn’t work out. Fifteen years later, Zombie Simpsons decided they hadn’t regurgitated that plot line recently, and did it again. I am speaking, of course, of “A Fish Called Selma” and “The Real Housewives of Fat Tony”. There are three specific scenes I want to compare: 1.) Meeting Mr. Wrong at the DMV 2.) Getting Hitched 3.) The Big Reveal (wherein it is revealed that this marriage…
Quote of the Day
“Don’t worry, Homer, I have a foolproof strategy to get you out of here: surprise witnesses, each more surprising than the last. I tell you, the judge won’t know what hit him.” – Lionel Hutz “Pipe down in there, Hutz!” – Guard
Crazy Noises: The Real Housewives of Fat Tony
“Is Bart home?” – Milhouse van Houten “Just taking Maggie for a stroll.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson “I guess I am putting up the Halloween-y decorations a little early. Criticism accepted.” – Ned Flanders In our ongoing mission to bring you only the shallowest and laziest analysis of Zombie Simpsons, we’re keeping up our Crazy Noises series for Season 22. Since a podcast is so 2004, and video would require a flag, a fern and some folding chairs from the garage, we’ve elected to use the technology that brought the word “emoticon” to the masses: the chatroom. Star Trek image…
Quote of the Day
Spirit of St. Louis and Acapulco yoinked from Wikipedia; giant rat used under Creative Commons license from Flickr user normanack. “Look at him, I bet he didn’t study again.” – Sherri “And now he’s going to try to kiss up and get answers from us.” – Terri “He’s pathetic.” – Sherri “Good morning, girls.” – Bart Simpson “Good morning, Bart.” – Sherri & Terri “Say, who’s up for a little cram session? I’ll go first. What was the name of the Pilgrims’ boat?” – Bart Simpson “The Spirit of St. Louis.” – Terri “And where’d they land?” – Bart Simpson…
Quote of the Day
Image used under Creative Commons license from Flickr user swimparallel. “Lisa, you bought this?” – Bart Simpson “With the change in my piggy bank.” – Lisa Simpson “There’s no change in your piggy bank.” – Bart Simpson “Not in any of the ones you know about.” – Lisa Simpson
Washed Up on the Jersey Shore
“Now, the naturalist who took these absolutely extraordinary pictures was most impressed by the creature’s uncivilized look, it’s foul language and, most of all, it’s indescribable stench. A popular supermarket tabloid has offered a reward of five thousand dollars to anyone who brings in the creature alive. Actually, we’ll have more on this story as soon as it develops. We now return you to the President’s address, already in progress.” – TV News Guy There’s an undeniable irony to watching Zombie Simpsons lob weak and spongy jokes at vacuous and appearance obsessed people who have an unjustifiably high opinion of…
Quote of the Day
“I’m going to church alone today. You’re going to stay here and explain to Bart why you scarred him for life.” – Marge Simpson “No I didn’t! I – oh, you mean inside, don’t you?” – Homer Simpson Happy 20th anniversary to “The War of the Simpsons”. Original airdate 2 May 1991. Somewhere out there, General Sherman still lurks.
Sunday Preview: The Real Housewives Of Fat Tony
Dave fled the country and I don’t know how to do blood splatters in Photoshop, so juvenile taunting will have to suffice. Roughly a year after everyone stopped caring about it, and right as the original participants ride out the last few seconds of their fifteen minutes, Zombie Simpsons has gotten around to Jersey Shore. Simpsons Channel: Fat Tony and Selma, Marge’s painfully blunt sister, fall in love and get married after a whirlwind courtship. Marge has her reservations about the couple’s marriage after Selma begins to prioritize her looks and ritzy new lifestyle over her family, so Fat Tony…
Quote of the Day
Image yoinked from Wikipedia. “Homer, don’t start stalking people again, it’s so illegal. Remember when you were stalking Charles Kuralt because you thought he dug up your garden?” – Marge Simpson “Well, something did!” – Homer Simpson