“So, isn’t that what we’re all asking in our own lives: where’s my elephant? I know that’s what I’ve been asking.” – Kent Brockman
Month: August 2016
Quote of the Day
“Miss Bouvier, while we were rescuing this boy, hoodlums made off with three bumper cars!” – Duff Gardens Security Guard
Quote of the Day
“And there she is: the world’s largest cubic zirconia.” – Principal Skinner “What an eyesore!” – Moe
Quote of the Day
“America’s greatest citizen, summed up in one piece of clothing” – Lisa Simpson “Fonzie’s jacket!” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Is this the one with the lazy sperm?” – C.M. Burns “Mmm-hmm.” – Mr. Smithers “Ah, Simpson! You big, virile son of a gun!” – C.M. Burns Sorry for the late quote.
Quote of the Day
“I’ll have my lunch, now: a single pillow of shredded wheat, some steamed toast, and a dodo egg.” – C.M. Burns “But I think the dodo went extinct.” – Homer Simpson “Get going! And answer those phones, install a computer system, and rotate my office so the window faces the hills.” – C.M. Burns “Uh-huh, uh-huh, okay . . . um, can you repeat the part of the stuff where you said all about the things?” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“I’m in some hot soup here, Marge. Some teenagers are hanging out in front of the store. I think they could start slacking at any moment.” – Ned Flanders
Quote of the Day
“Only one of you will be chosen to go into space, so the next few weeks will be a grueling series of tests to determine which one of you is most qualified.” – NASA Administrator “Oh, and Mr. Gumble, for the duration of the training there’ll be no more beer.” – NASA Scientist “What? Three whole weeks with only wine? I’ll go crazy!” – Barney Gumble
Quote of the Day
“Attention, please, I need a volunteer for a thankless chore. . . . Shall I assume the only hand in the air is Lisa Simpson’s? Thank you, Lisa.” – Principal Skinner
Quote of the Day
“Mom, these are at least two sizes too big.” – Lisa Simpson “Perfect, you’ll grow into them.” – Marge Simpson “When?” – Bart Simpson “Oh, you’re both way overdue for a spurt.” – Marge Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Well, Seymour, it seems we’ve put together a baseball team. And I was wondering, who’s on first?” – Superintendent Chalmers “Yes. Not the pronoun, but rather a player with the unlikely name of Who is on first.” – Principal Skinner “Well that’s just great, Seymour, we’ve been out here six seconds and you’ve already managed to blow the routine! . . . Sexless freak.” – Superintendent Chalmers
Quote of the Day
“Sanctuary! Sanctuary!” – Homer Simpson “Oh, why did I teach him that word?” – Reverend Lovejoy
Quote of the Day
“Australia was originally founded as a settlement for British convicts. . . . Lisa, watch your camera.” – Marge Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Your license is hereby revoked! And you are to attend traffic school and two months of alconon meetings.” – Judge “Your honer, I’d like that last remark stricken from the record.” – Homer Simpson “No.” – Judge
Quote of the Day
“Look, Achy Breaky Stacy for a dollar ninety-nine!” – Little Girl #1 “Live from the Improv Stacy’s only eighty-nine cents!” – Little Girl #2 “Ewww.” – Little Girls
Quote of the Day
“You and your daughter ain’t welcome here no more! Barney, show ’em the exit.” – Moe “There’s an exit?” – Barney Gumble
Quote of the Day
“…And Bingo was his name-o!” – Annoying Children “Man, I don’t know why I bought this stupid tape.” – Otto
Quote of the Day
“If it isn’t little Jimmy Pierson, class of ’71 I believe.” – Principal Skinner “Good evening, Principal Skinner.” – Jimmy Pierson “Pierson! Get this woman a glass of water immediately, and tuck in your shirt . . . Nearly thirty and still working as a busboy. I tell you, standardized testing never lies.” – Principal Skinner “
Saturday Morning Cartoons
“Mr. Bergstrom!” – Lisa Simpson “Hi, Lisa!” – Mr. Bergstrom “Hey! You don’t have to pay! Read the sign!” – Homer Simpson “And this must be your father.” – Mr. Bergstrom When people talk about “Lisa’s Substitute”, it’s usually to praise the emotionally pitch perfect ending. First, there’s Mr. Bergstrom’s devastating departure (“That’s the problem with being middle class, anybody who really cares will abandon you for those who need it more.”); and then there’s Homer’s bumbling but ultimately successful attempt to explain to Lisa that he does love her even if they both know she’s a lot smarter than him…
Quote of the Day
“I’m sorry. I guess watching me isn’t any more exciting than being me.” – Homer Simpson