“Tonight, on Eyewitness News, a man who’s been in a coma for twenty-three years wakes up.” – Kent Brockman “Do Sonny and Cher still have that stupid show?” – Coma Guy “No, she won an Oscar and he’s a Congressman.” – Kent Brockman “Good night!” – Coma Guy
Month: December 2019
Quote of the Day
“You son of a bitch! . . . Good show!” – Emily Winthrop Happy birthday, Tracey Ullman!
Quote of the Day
“Floor feels a little gritty here.” – Ned Flanders “Yeah, we ran out of floorboards there so we painted the dirt. Pretty clever!” – Moe
Quote of the Day
“We now return to the twenty-seventh annual Krusty the Klown Telethon for Motion Sickness.” – TV Announcer “Timpani! . . . Woo-hoo! I love you people! I love my kids! Poor little guys, so tragic, so nauseous. You should see the bus they came to the studio in.” – Krusty the Klown
Quote of the Day
“There are three things wrong with my costume. Anybody names those three things will get my hat.” – Mr. Bergstrom “I believe I know the answer.” – Lisa Simpson “What’s your name?” – Mr. Bergstrom “Lisa Simpson.” – Lisa Simpson “Well, go ahead miss Simpson.” – Mr. Bergstrom “Um, one, your belt buckle says State of Texas, but Texas wasn’t a state until 1845.” – Lisa Simpson “Very good.” – Lisa Simpson “Two, the revolver wasn’t invented until 1835.” – Lisa Simpson “That’s excellent.” – Mr. Bergstrom “Three, you seem to be of the Jewish faith.” – Lisa Simpson “Are…
Quote of the Day
“Big shots with their stainless steel lunchboxes. . . . They get donuts?” – Homer Simpson “That’s right. All the colors of the rainbow!” – Donut Guy
Quote of the Day
“It’s a Krusty Kinda Kristmas!, brought to you by ILG, selling your body’s chemicals after you die, and by Li’l Sweetheart cupcakes, a subsidiary of ILG.” – TV Announcer Merry Christmas, everybody!
Quote of the Day
“And, do you drink?” – Merry Widow Insurance Guy “I do enjoy a snifter of port at Christmas.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Smithers! I want my tea!” – C.M. Burns “Doesn’t it bother you that he orders you around like that?” – Marge Simpson “Oh, actually, I value every second we’re together. From the moment I squeeze his orange juice in the morning til I tuck him in at night. He’s not just my boss. He’s my best friend, too.” – Mr. Smithers “Bah! Too hot!” – C.M. Burns “You’re right, sir. It’s scalding me as we speak.” – Mr. Smithers Happy Birthday, Harry Shearer!
Quote of the Day
“Hey, anybody mind if I server as bartender? You know, I have a PhD in mixology!” – Ned Flanders “Pfft, college boy.” – Moe
Quote of the Day
“Cheer up, we’ll catch this guy!” – Chief Wiggum “Uh, Chief, um . . . ” – Lou “What? You can’t rule it out.” – Chief Wiggum
Makeup Quote of the Day
“Clear!” – Homer Simpson “Oh, for Pete’s sake.” – Marge Simpson “The pig is in the poke.” – Homer Simpson “You know, I really don’t care for that code name.” – Marge Simpson
Double Secret Makeup Quote of the Day
“I didn’t know they still made TV dinners this bad.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“The last bar in Springfield. If they don’t let me in here, I’m gonna have to quit drinking.” – Homer Simpson “Yay!” – Homer’s Liver “Shut up, liver! . . . Oww, my liver hurts.” – Homer Simpson
Happy Simpsons Day!
“Oh, Springfield Elementary, I will have you back again! After all, tomorrow is another school day!” – Principal Skinner Happy Simpsons Day, everybody! Today marks the 30th anniversary of “Simpsons Roasting On an Open Fire” and the beginning of the best ten-ish year streak in television history. I’m sure there are a lot of retrospective pieces up around the internet today, but as you can tell from the near total lack of substantive posts around here, I don’t think there’s much left to be said, so you’re on your own for finding them. About that total lack of posts: I…
Quote of the Day
“What are the odds on Santa’s Little Helper?” – Homer Simpson “Ninety-nine to one.” – Ticket Booth Guy “Wow! Ninety-nine times thirteen equals merry Christmas!” – Homer Simpson Happy Simpsons Day everybody!
Quote of the Day
“Gentlemen, I give you Britannia! Gambling with all the glitz and glamour of the British Isles! And, best of all, the waitresses and showgirls are all real Brits! Fresh from the streets of Sussex, they are.” – British Guy “Freshen your drink, gov’nor?” – Sussex Girl
Quote of the Day
“Now we just sit by the mailbox and watch the money roll in.” – Homer Simpson “But you’re going to annoy thousands of people just make a few measly dollars. It’s nothing but panhandling!” – Marge Simpson “Tele-panhandling.” – Homer Simpson
Makeup Quote of the Day
“It’s so sad that Krusty is ashamed of his roots.” – Lisa Simpson “Marge, it happened again.” – Homer Simpson “What are you gonna change your name to when you grow up?” – Bart Simpson “Lois Sandborne.” – Lisa Simpson “Steve Bennett.” – Bart Simpson
Quote of the Day
“You said this monkey would be sweeping the floors and cleaning the gutters. And now he just lies there, struggling to breathe.” – Marge Simpson “What do you want? His cholesterol’s through the roof.” – Homer Simpson