“Damn, I shouldn’t have eaten the mint first.” – Otto Like so many Zombie Simpsons episodes, “The Scorpion’s Tale” is a creaking mess of unconnected segments, many of which have little or nothing to do with one another. Also like so many Zombie Simpsons episodes, many of these segments are ideas and concepts that have already been done years before. For example, at one point in this episode Grampa moves in and acts cranky. “Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"”, anyone? Then the family visits a pharmaceutical lab where they make a…
Month: March 2011
Quote of the Day
“I propose to you that your heir need not be a boy. In this phallocentric society of ours –” – Lisa Simpson “I don’t know what phallocentric means, but no girls!” – C.M. Burns “So much for Plan B.” – Milhouse van Houten
Somewhere, Klaus Kinski Weeps
“Have any of your workers ever had their hands cut off by the machinery?” – Bart Simpson “No.” – Box Factory Guy “And then the hands started crawling around and tried to strangle everybody?” – Bart Simpson “No, that has never happened.” – Box Factory Guy “Any popped eyeballs?” – Bart Simpson In some alternate universe the basic premise behind “The Scorpion’s Tale” could’ve been used for a decent half hour of television. It would need to be done on a show that isn’t five hundred episodes old, but a drug that gets geezers stoned could’ve worked. On Zombie Simpsons…
Bonus Quote of the Day
“No way, she’s faking! If Lisa stays home, I stay home.” – Bart Simpson “If Bart stays home, I’m going to school.” – Lisa Simpson “Fine. Then, wait a minute, if Lisa goes to school, then I go to school. But then Lisa stays home, so I stay home. So, Lisa goes to school . . .” – Bart Simpson “Lisa, don’t confuse your brother like that.” – Marge Simpson Happy 20th Anniversary to “Bart’s Dog Gets an F”! Original airdate 7 March 1991.
Quote of the Day
Image used under Creative Commons license from Flickr user bsabarnowl. “Finally, the great taste of Worcestershire sauce in a soft drink.” – TV Announcer “Ahhh, steaky.” – TV Guy [Edited because I’ve been hearing what I wanted to hear since 1993. I’m not going to stop referring to Worcestershire sauce as “stanky” though.]
Sunday Preview: The Scorpion’s Tale
“I’ve discovered that the rejuvenating effect people feel is actually a mild form of poisoning, no doubt a result of the unsanitary conditions in Grampa Simpson’s bathtub. Nonetheless . . .” – Dr. Hibbert The Oscars aren’t good for much, but they did buy us a week off from Zombie Simpsons. Sadly, that week is now over. I didn’t see a promo image at Simpsons Channel, so we’ll have to let the text do the talking: After a field trip to the desert, Lisa discovers that the desert water mysteriously makes typically combative creatures get along, so she brings some…
Quote of the Day
“Hey mom, these paintings are good. While I know first hand how fragile young talent is, I’d love to hear the particulars of how your gift was squashed.” – Lisa Simpson [Note: I originally set this for 8pm instead of 8am. Whoops.]
Saturday Afternoon Cartoons
“I’m whizzing with the door open, and I love it!” – Homer Simpson Ahem: 56 F. C. C. 2d, at 98. Our society has a tradition of performing certain bodily functions in private, and of severely limiting the public exposure or discussion of such matters. Verbal or physical acts exposing those intimacies are offensive irrespective of any message that may accompany the exposure. Fuck you, FCC.
Quote of the Day
“Homer, you do remember your promise to the children?” – Marge Simpson “Sure do: when you’re eighteen you’re out the door!” – Homer Simpson
Reading Digest: Pro Sports Edition
“Mom, this is really scary. I’m going to get my first F ever.” – Lisa Simpson “Cheer up, so you’re not good at sports. It’s a very small part of life.” – Marge Simpson “Sports, sports, sports, sports, sports, sports, sports, sports.” – Homer Simpson Sometimes The Simpsons helps explain sports, and sometimes sports takes after The Simpsons. This week there’s a bit of both as we’ve got a sideburns related NBA trade theory, an NHL goalie whose keen on Flanders, some excellent NFL lockout related usage, and an explanation for Bart’s birthday that involves soccer. In addition to those,…
Quote of the Day
Image taken from Wikimedia Commons. “Kids, kids, I’m not gonna die, that only happens to bad people.” – Homer Simpson “What about Abraham Lincoln?” – Bart Simpson “Uh, he sold poisoned milk to school children.” – Homer Simpson
Why Teevee Sucks (The Book)
“Mr. Blackheart?” – Lisa Simpson “Yes, my pretty?” – Mr. Blackheart “Are you an ivory dealer?” – Lisa Simpson “Little girl, I’ve had lots of jobs in my day, whale hunter, seal clubber, president of the FOX Network, and like most people, yeah, I’ve dealt a little ivory.” – Mr. Blackheart A few weeks ago, a reader (thanks Steve!) e-mailed me with a PDF copy of an unpublished book written by a longtime television writer named Andrew Nicholls. Nicholls and Darrell Vickers, his writing partner, have been typing away for television since the 80s, including a number of recognizable titles…
Quote of the Day
“Flanders, I thought I was your plow man!” – Homer Simpson “Uh, Homer, why don’t you plow it again.” – Ned Flanders “Forget it, pal! I don’t need your phony baloney job. I’ll take your money, but I’m not gonna plow your driveway.” – Homer Simpson
A Very Detailed Real Life Simpsons Casting List
I don’t think anyone really wants to see a live action Simpsons movie. However much we can giggle and titter at the porno-parody, an actual movie would be a pop culture catastrophe of a kind not seen since those live action Flintstones movies that John Goodman’s agent promised never to mention to him again. That said, it is fun to speculate about who could be each character. Most of the time these sorts of lists try to cast someone as Homer or Marge or other major characters, but this one focuses instead on all those one off guest characters that…
Quote of the Day
“With the bridge gone, and the airport unfortunately on the other side of the bridge, a number of citizens are attempting to jump the gorge with their cars. It’s a silent testament to the never give up, and never think things out spirit of our citizens!” – Arnie Pie
Quote of the Day
“Hey, are they pulling the plug on anybody today?” – Bart Simpson “Nope, everybody’s paid up.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson