“Now, Bart, I know you’re too young for that machine gun you wanted, but I’m gonna give you something that’ll make sure when you’re old enough, you can still buy one: a membership in the National Rifle Association.” – Herb Powell “Wow, the NRA! Can I get armor piercing cyanide tipped bullets too?” – Bart Simpson “It’s in the Constitution, son.” – Herb Powell
Month: November 2013
Quote of the Day
“And the weather service has warned us to brace ourselves for the onslaught of Hurricane Barbara. And if you think naming a destructive storm after a woman is sexist, you obviously have never seen the gals grabbing for items at a clearance sale.” – Kent Brockman “It’s true, but he shouldn’t say it.” – Marge Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Mom, you made it! How are you?” – Marge Simpson “I have laryngitis and it hurts to talk, so I’ll just say one thing: you never do anything right.” – Jacqueline Bouvier
Quote of the Day
“The economic slump began last spring when the government closed Fort Springfield, devastating the city’s liquor and prostitution industries.” – Kent Brockman
Quote of the Day
“Have you found any dirt on Mary Bailey?” – C.M. Burns “Well, we’ve gone through her garbage.” – Garbologist “We’ve talked to her maid.” – Mudslinger “And so far the only negative thing we have found is from some guy who dated her when she was sixteen.” – Garbologist “Ah, and?” – C.M. Burns “He felt her up.” – Muckraker “Bah, not good enough!” – C.M. Burns Happy birthday Wes Archer!
Behind Us Forever: The Kid Is All Right
“Worked for the Carter Administration?” – Marge Simpson “Well, you voted for him, twice.” – Lisa Simpson “Lisa, shh, someone might be listening.” – Marge Simpson It’s never been all that hard to poke fun at Republicans and Democrats, but doing so would require Zombie Simpsons to make some jokes instead of spending all their time expositing an inane and nonsensical story. And when I say inane, I mean in-fucking-ane. Lisa meets the new kid in her class outside of class, for some reason, they do a project on FDR together without, it seems, ever talking to one another about…
Quote of the Day
“Tonight, Seventies leading man Troy McClure has finally met the woman of his dreams. We may remem-. . . woman? Huh. Okay. We may remember Troy from such films as The Verdict Was Mail Fraud and Leper in the Backfield.” – Not John Tesh
Sunday Preview: The Kid Is All Right
Lisa’s new best friend turns out to not only be a Republican, but her opponent in their second-grade class election. Eva Longoria will guest start tonight as Isabelle, who is Lisa’s classmate/friend/opponent. Isabelle is also the first name of the character Longoria played on The Young And The Restless. Not that I or anyone else cares; I just don’t have anything else to say about this plot line. Anderson Cooper also stars as himself, so if you didn’t have a reason not to watch before, there you go.
Reading Digest Supplemental: Tournament Links
Our old friend Nebel was nice enough to remind me on Twitter that I had forgotten to link his best episode ever tournament. And, he’s not even the only one with an episode tournament I missed this week. I may need to carve out a special section in Reading Digest while these things go on, but for today here are some links that I should’ve but didn’t include on Friday: Round 86: The Secret War of Lisa Simpson vs. Homer’s Triple Bypass – The old directors (Silverman, Archer, etc.) really did give the show a distinctive look even beyond the…
Quote of the Day
“But who’d want to hurt me? I’m this century’s Dennis the Menace.” – Bart Simpson “It’s probably the person you least suspect.” – Homer Simpson “That’s good, Dad.” – Lisa Simpson
Compare & Contrast: Strikes and Strikebreakers
“Goodbye, Springfield, from Hell’s heart, I stab at thee!” – C.M. Burns The line everyone knows from 1987’s Wall Street is, “Greed is good”. Of course, Michael Douglas doesn’t quite say that; his actual line is “Greed, for lack of a better word, is good”. Either way it’s not the best line in the movie. That honor goes to Martin Sheen, playing the skeptical head of an airline mechanics union. Sitting in Gordon Gekko’s excessively 1980s penthouse as the iconic bankster of the time licks his chops over wage cuts now for theoretical profit sharing tomorrow, Sheen sagely notes: “The…
Quote of the Day
“Come to Uncle Moe’s for family fun, it’s good good good good, good good good.” – Uncle Moe’s Commercial “Hmm, sounds good.” – Homer Simpson
Reading Digest: Thanks Chicago Edition
Image shamelessly yoinked from Wikipedia “Wow, Capital City, the Windy Apple!” – Mindy Simmons Before we get to this week’s links, I’d like to say thank you to everyone at classic Simpsons trivia in Chicago on Monday at Pizzeria Serio. There was Neil Arsenty and his two man cadre of fanatics, who ran the show and graded our poorly scrawled answers while the rest of us laughed at “Bart’s Friend Falls in Love” and “The PTA Disbands”. There was the nice bartender dude who gave us the list of cheap bottle beer they were trying to get rid of. There…
Quote of the Day
“Lenny and Carl are never around on Wednesdays and they don’t tell me where they go. It’s like a conspiracy.” – Homer Simpson “A conspiracy, eh? Do you think they might be involved in the Kennedy Assassination in some way?” – Bart Simpson “I do . . . now.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Alright, you scrawny beanpoles, becoming a cop is not something that happens overnight. It takes one solid weekend of training to get that badge.” – Chief Wiggum
Behind Us Forever: Labor Pains
“Step aside, I’ll deliver this baby.” – Homer Simpson “Uh, why don’t you let me handle it, Homer?” – Dr. Hibbert “Oh, college boy, eh?” – Homer Simpson “Homer, for God sakes, let him deliver the baby!” – Marge Simpson In its never ending desperation to come up with something – anything – that hasn’t specifically been done before, Zombie Simpsons will try everything from relatively mundane stories to outlandish fantasies. This episode had two of the former. In the A-plot, Homer helps deliver a baby after getting stuck in an elevator. In the B-plot, Lisa tries to help professional…
Quote of the Day
“This is Kent Brockman live at the Monty Burns casino. Moments from now, the house that Social Security checks built will be demolished to make way for a casino themed family hotel.” – Kent Brockman “This must be heartbreaking for you, sir.” – Mr. Smithers “I’m just thinking of my employees. All the card sharps, bottom dealers, and shills, where will they go?” – C.M. Burns “They’re managing your chain of nursing homes, sir.” – Mr. Smithers “Excellent.” – C.M. Burns
Quote of the Day
“Mom, my slingshot doesn’t fit in these pockets, and these shorts leave nothing to the imagination, these uniforms suck.” – Bart Simpson “Bart! Where do you pick up words like that?” – Marge Simpson “Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked. I’ve seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.” – Homer Simpson “Homer, watch your mouth!” – Marge Simpson “I gotta go, my damn wiener kids are listening.” – Homer Simpson
Open Complaint Thread: Labor Pains
We didn’t get a preview up yesterday, so I shudder think what kind of volcanic build up there is about last night’s almost certainly forgettable “Labor Pains”. I haven’t watched it yet, but it certainly sounds dull: While trapped in an elevator Homer helps a woman deliver her baby who she gratefully names Homer Jr. Homer then gets emotionally attached to the little guy. Meanwhile Lisa is recruited to be a cheerleader. As I am on the road in Chicago today without access to my usual array of electronics, “Behind Us Forever” will have to wait until tomorrow or possibly…
Quote of the Day
“Look, Homer won’t want to go, so just ask him and he’ll say no. Then it’ll be his fault.” – Bart Simpson “I don’t want to go, so if he asks me to go I’ll just say yes.” – Homer Simpson “Wait! Are you sure that’s how this sort of thing works?” – Homer’s Brain “Shut up, brain, or I’ll stab you with a Q-tip.” – Homer Simpson “Dad, I really want you to come on this trip with me.” – Bart Simpson “Bart, I’d be delighted to go on your trip with you.” – Homer Simpson “D’oh!” – Homer…