“Hi, Moe. Where’s that waitress of yours?” – Homer Simpson “She left to pursue her movie career. Frankly, I think she was better off here.” – Moe
Year: 2018
Quote of the Day
“This book must be out of date. I don’t see Prussia, Siam, or Auto-Gyro.” – Squeaky Voiced Teen
Makeup Quote of the Day
“Barney, you stole my idea.” – Homer Simpson “Don’t worry, Homer. There’s nothing wrong with a little healthy competition.” – Barney Gumble
Quote of the Day
“You did it, Dad! You saved us! I’m proud you’re my father.” – Bart Simpson “Go away. Eating.” – Homer Simpson
Makeup Quote of the Day
“Next to spring and winter, fall is my absolute favorite season!” – Marge Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Our last bachelor likes women who take their clothes off for money! Let’s hear it for: Moe!” – Krusty the Klown
Quote of the Day
“Now, c’mon, give your putter a name.” – Homer Simpson “What?” – Bart Simpson “Give it a name.” – Homer Simpson “Mr. Putter.” – Bart Simpson “You want to try a little harder, son? C’mon, give it a girl’s name.” – Homer Simpson “Mom.” – Bart Simpson “Your putter’s name is Charlene.” – Homer Simpson “Why?” – Bart Simpson “It just is, that’s why.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Bart! . . . You can’t weld with such a little flame. Stupid kid.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“In that case, I sentence you to a lifetime of horror on Monster Island! . . . Don’t worry, it’s just a name.” – Chief Justice “He said it was just a name!” – Lisa Simpson “What he meant is that Monster Island is actually a peninsula!” – Monster Island Resident Geography Expert
Quote of the Day
“But, Marge, I think he should learn about it the same way I did.” – Homer Simpson “Are you sure?” – Marge Simpson “Zookeeper! Zookeeper! Those two monkeys are killing each other!” – Homer Simpson “They’re having sex.” – Zookeeper “Oh.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Ooh, it’s that new show about the policeman who solves crime in his spare time.” – Homer Simpson “Crank it, Homer!” – Bart Simpson “You busted up that crack house pretty bad, McGarnagle. Did you really have to break so much furniture?” – The Chief “You tell me, Chief. You had a pretty good view from behind your desk.” – McGarnagle “Ah, McGarnagle, eases the pain.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“You’ll be okay, Dad. Just make sure he hits you an even number of times so you don’t end up with amnesia.” – Bart Simpson
Makeup Quote of the Day
“Well, I’m not gonna make the same mistake. From now on, I’m gonna be kinder to my son and meaner to my dad!” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Ah, maybe I shoulda made his movie.” – Alec Baldwin “Yeah, it wasn’t that bad. I mean, the script might even work if you got rid of the talking pie.” – Kim Basinger “What are you, crazy? It’s a buddy picture!” – Alec Baldwin
Makeup Quote of the Day
“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: democracy simply doesn’t work.” – Kent Brockman
Quote of the Day
“We want the truth!” – Bart Simpson “You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth! No truth handler, you! Bah! I deride your truth handling abilities!” – Sideshow Bob If you’re here in the U.S. and you’re registered to vote, for fuck’s sake, go do that. I really really don’t want tomorrow’s quote to be about Bob stealing the election. And once you’ve voted, enjoy this fine list of ways to kill time until actual results come in: Simpsons Episodes for a Dreary Election.
Quote of the Day
“I’m used to seeing people promoted ahead of me, friends, co-workers, Tibor. I never thought it’d be my own wife.” – Homer Simpson “Well, maybe you’d get promoted if you worked a little harder.” – Marge Simpson “Are you kidding? I work like a Japanese beaver!” – Homer Simpson “Oh really? I came to see you three times today. Twice you were sleeping and once you were kicking that ball of electrical tape around.” – Marge Simpson
Makeup Quote of the Day
“Homer, please, you know it’s hard for me to make friends.” – Marge Simpson “Oh, Marge, we should do this every Thursday.” – Marge’s Potential Friend “Marge, I got sprayed by this skunk! Oh, look, he’s doing it again!” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“I’m thinking of a number between one and fifty.” – Homer Simpson “Is it thirty-seven?” – Marge Simpson “D’oh! . . . I mean, no.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Looking for a good time, sailor?” – Allied Tradesperson “I certainly am.” – Bart Simpson “No, you’re not! . . . He’s really not.” – Marge Simpson