“That fancy house will never sell. Nobody who could afford it would want to live in this neighborhood.” – Bart Simpson “Hey, what’s wrong with this neighborhood? Big shot! Too good to buy a house here, snobby?” – Homer Simpson “Who you talking to, Homer?” – Bart Simpson “The guy who doesn’t live there.” – Homer Simpson
Month: April 2012
Underage Sex Shouldn’t Be This Boring
“Mom, this is a little ahead of schedule, but I need help with my love life.” – Bart Simpson “Oh, my special little guy has a sweetheart.” – Marge Simpson “I knew it! Alright Bart, who’s your girlfriend?” – Lisa Simpson “Mrs. Krabappel.” – Bart Simpson In what I assume was an unintentional irony, early in “Beware My Cheating Bart”, the writers had Bart say, “Doesn’t anyone realize I’m only ten years old?”. The episode certainly didn’t, and it managed to be worse than most “Bart gets a girlfriend” stories to boot. Bart seems to vacillate between being an experienced…
Quote of the Day
“Mr. Simpson, this government computer can process over nine tax returns per day. Did you really think you could fool it?” – IRS Agent “No, sir. I’m really sorry, sir. An older boy told me to do it.” – Homer Simpson
Sunday Preview: Beware My Cheating Bart
Image bloodied by Dave. No good will come of this: When Bart is forced to chaperone Jimbo’s girlfriend to a movie, she ends up developing feelings for him, resulting in a whole bunch of trouble with the bullies at school. Meanwhile, Homer is persuaded to buy a state-of-the-art treadmill, fully equipped with a television. When Lisa shows Homer that he can access television shows wirelessly, he develops an obsession with watching an old television show from the treadmill, but not actually working out, until Marge decides to intervene. Since it’s not entirely clear as to which is what, I’m giving…
Quote of the Day
“Ooh, I remember. Mrs. Astor was very lucky.” – Marge Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Now, Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, the only houses I have in your price range are in the neighborhood colorfully referred to as The Rat’s Nest.” – Stinking Fish Realty Agent
Reading Digest: Specious Speculation (Swartzwelder) Edition
This is a much shorter than usual Reading Digest, entirely due to the fact that just about anytime someone punched “Simpsons” into a keyboard this week it was right next to the word “Oregon”, and all of them were equally worthless. It’s the internet, so I guess you’ve got to take the bad with the good, but that an awful lot of concentrated stupid. There is still some good, though, including cool fan made stuff (mmm, cupcakes), a fantastically meta YouTube video, and Superintendent Chalmers on the DC Metro. There’s also two links about John Swartzwelder, one of which debunked…
Quote of the Day
“Well, everybody’s got a fear of something.” – Marge Simpson “Not everybody.” – Homer Simpson “Sock puppets.” – Marge Simpson “Where? Where? Ah! Ahhh!” – Homer Simpson
Who Gives a Shit “Where” Springfield Is?
“Now, they may ask you to locate your town on a map of the US. So, let’s do that . . . uh, Springfield, Springfield . . . um, right here.” – Homer Simpson “Dad, you’re not pointing anywhere near Springfield.” – Lisa Simpson When I saw my Twitter and inbox begin to go bonkers because Groening apparently said the “real” Springfield is the one in Oregon, I thought “huh” and made a note of it for Reading Digest. Then it kept going, literally every item in my Google Alert for “The Simpsons” was related to it, and I even…
Quote of the Day
“Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad, and I’m tired of making other people feel good about themselves.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Tonight, Eye on Springfield takes a look at the secret affairs of Kennedy, Eisenhower, Bush and Clinton. Did fooling around on their wives make them great? We’ll find out next, when we play Hail to the Cheat.” – Kent Brockman
“Itchy & Scratchy & Marge” Spews Truth
“I’ve started a crusade against cartoon violence. I can protect my own children, but there are many others whose minds are being warped every afternoon at four.” – Marge Simpson “That reminds me, I gotta get over to Milhouse’s and . . . play sports.” – Bart Simpson “Alright.” – Marge Simpson “And I’m going over to Janie’s again. We’re going to be, um, making the most of our childhood years.” – Lisa Simpson “Have Fun!” – Marge Simpson “We will.” – Bart and Lisa Simpson They talk quite a bit about this idea near the end, but “Itchy &…
Quote of the Day
“Hey, Homer . . . wing me another one of them, ah . . . burgers, would you? Can’t quite seem to . . . stand up under my own power anymore.” – Chief Wiggum
Bonus Quote of the Day
“Oh, would you two knock it off? I hate all the programs Marge likes, but it’s no big deal. You know why?” – Homer Simpson “No.” – Selma Bouvier “Go on.” – Sideshow Bob “Whenever Marge puts on one of her non-violent programs, I take a walk, I go to a bar, I pound a few, and I stumble home in the mood for love.” – Homer Simpson Happy 20th Anniversary to “Black Widower”! Original airdate 9 April 1992.
Quote of the Day
“Are you really allowed to execute people at a local jail?” – Hans Moleman “From this point on, no talking.” – Reverend Lovejoy
Quote of the Day
“Bart, Lisa, time for church!” – Marge Simpson “Milhouse, time for church!” – Luann van Houten “Shlomo, time for your violin lesson!” – Jewish Guy
Quote of the Day
“Now, what you see here is the radioactive dye we injected flowing through your husband’s circulatory system.” – Dr. Hibbert “But doctor, I haven’t injected the dye yet!” – Nurse “Good Lord.” – Dr. Hibbert
Reading Digest: Yup, That Ship Is Still Underwater Edition
“And now, the conclusion of our thousand dollar movie, Roger Corman’s ‘Titanic’.” – TV Announcer “We’re safe now, Clarice. We made it away from that cursed ship.” – B-Movie Guy “Now I can relax and take off this stifling bikini.” – B-Movie Gal Next Sunday is the hundredth anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic. Since there’s apparently some money out there that he still doesn’t have, James Cameron will be re-releasing his movie of the same name. This prompted two links, one of which may be the only time in the coming hundred years that I say something nice…
Quote of the Day
“Deer? Ha! Not around here! They all migrated north when the state park converted to astroturf.” – John
“New Kid On the Block” Spews Truth
“She’s beautiful. Say something clever.” – Bart’s Brain “I fell on my bottom.” – Bart Simpson “D’oh!” – Bart’s Brain This commentary is mildly annoying in that it’s basically a bunch of guys congratulating each other on being awesome. On the other hand, all of them are fantastically funny, so not only is it fun to hear, but they’re self aware enough to keep it entertaining. They only occasionally talk about the episode, but unlike when that happens on Zombie Simpsons commentaries, here it’s not them avoiding what’s happening so much as it is them clowning around about things they…