“Don’t forget to check out the galley. That’s real shag carpeting!” – Captain McAllister The title of yesterday’s episode, “A Totally Fun Thing That Bart Will Never Do Again”, is a reference to a famous 1996 David Foster Wallace article for Harper’s, in which he embarked on a giant luxury liner to experience the narrow, selfish, and vapid thinking that underlies the modern cruise industry (as well as the bland and mostly uninteresting people who think of it as the height of fun). It’s an enjoyably cruel piece of writing (it was later used as the headline piece to a…
Month: April 2012
Quote of the Day
“I wish you’d stop spreading bad rumors about people. Remember how you got Grampa tarred and feathered?” – Marge Simpson “Sure, that was twenty minutes ago.” – Bart Simpson “Gonna be in the tub for a while.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson
Sunday Post: A Totally Fun Thing That Bart Will Never Do Again
Image bloodied by Dave. It’s that time again: In this mouth-full of a title-d episode, when Bart sees a commercial for the ultimate cruise, he begs his parents for a family vacation. Low on cash, the only way they can go is if each family member sells one valuable. Once they’re away, Bart is determined to make the vacation last forever. So he comes up with a plan to make sure they never have to return home. I anticipate a well plotted piece of non-claptrap that never makes me want to wretch.
Quote of the Day
“Aw, she looks sad.” – Leon Kompowsky “That’s cause she knows you’re looking at her.” – Bart Simpson “Although I’m aware you’re looking at me, I would look exactly the same even if you weren’t.” – Lisa Simpson [Initially scheduled this for pm instead of am. Whoops.]
Quote of the Day
“Where are we going? Where are we going?” – Marge Simpson “Okay, okay, don’t panic. To find Flanders, I just have to think like Flanders.” – Homer Simpson “I’m a big four-eyed lame-o and I wear the same stupid sweater every day and-” – Homer’s Brain “The Springfield River!” – Homer Simpson
Reading Digest: Long Reads Edition
“To celebrate our bicentennial, all twenty of you will write an essay about Jebediah Springfield; and the best eighteen will be put on file in the school library, available to anyone who requests them.” – Miss Hoover Quite a few people took to their keyboards this week, producing thoughtful and well written tracts about various topics from Poochie to “Bart the Genius” and the slippery nature of hero worship. On top of that, we’ve got lots of usage, an old story from Sam Simon, a couple of fan made drawings, two links to upcoming crappy merchandise, and a solicitation for…
Quote of the Day
“My friends, isn’t this just typical? Another intelligent conservative here, railroaded by our liberal justice system, just like Colonel Oliver North, Officer Stacey Koon, and cartoon smokesperson Joe Camel.” – Birch Barlow
Quote of the Day
“Excuse me, we’re having a problem with our dog.” – Marge Simpson “Lady, I’ll tell you what I’m telling everyone else. I’m sorry if your dog went blind, but your gripe is with Hartz Mountain, not with me.” – Pet Store Guy
Duff McKagan and Duff Beer: An Internet Investigation
“You said if I slept with you, I wouldn’t have to touch the drunk.” – Titania “Duffman says a lot of things! Oh, yeah!” – Duffman In a Reading Digest last spring, I noted that Duff McKagan, bass player for (among others) Guns N’ Roses, Velvet Revolver, and Loaded, had claimed that Duff beer was named after him. It came up again last summer, and has been bubbling up on-line ever since. In addition to it being noted in articles and the like about him, McKagan himself has mentioned it several times. In an ESPN.com column he wrote: My name…
Quote of the Day
“I’m sorry, Mr. Homer, but it is the policy of the Kwik-E-Mart, and its parent corporation Nordyne Defense Dynamics, to prosecute shoplifters to the full extent of the law.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon Happy birthday Hank Azaria!
Quote of the Day
“Wow! For free! Surplus drums of mayonnaise from Operation Desert Storm!” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Let’s see your license, pal.” – Lou “No can do, never got one. But if you need proof of my identity, I wrote my name on my underwear . . . oh, wait, these aren’t mine.” – Otto “Well, that tears it. Until you get a license and wear your own underwear, mister, you are suspended without pay.” – Principal Skinner Happy 20th Anniversary to “The Otto Show”! Original airdate, 23 April 1992.
Quote of the Day
“Movie stardom is just so hollow.” – Milhouse van Houten “Hollow? The only thing in show business that’s hollow is the music industry.” – Mickey Rooney
Quote of the Day
“Is it done yet? Is it done yet?” – Homer Simpson “Your meatloaf will be ready in eight seconds, Homer.” – Marge Simpson “D’oh! Isn’t there anything faster than a microwave?” – Homer Simpson
Reading Digest: Not Worth Reading Edition
“Oh, why do they have to put all this crud in my newspaper? World. The Arts. Religion. Ah ha! Here it is, ‘Kickin’ Back!’” – Homer Simpson This week we’ve got several links to things that really aren’t worth the click. They exist, and I think they were worth noting, but having actually read them, I can’t honestly recommend that you do the same. Of course, there are even more links that are worth your time, including some more minimalist Simpsons designs, several people who agree with us, quite a few lists, what real yearbook people think of Retrospecticus, and…
Quote of the Day
My frame grab from Star Trek 104, “The Naked Time” (1966). “Now, our game shows are a little different from yours. Your shows reward knowledge; we punish ignorance.” – Wink Happy 75th Birthday George Takei!
Compare & Contrast: March-April Romances
“She’s beautiful. Say something clever!” – Bart’s Brain “I fell on my bottom.” – Bart Simpson “D’oh!” – Bart’s Brain There are a lot problems with “Beware My Cheating Bart”. For starters, it’s kinda sexist and disturbing. Beyond that, it’s further evidence that Zombie Simpsons has turned its kid characters into empty, anti-human nobodies. And, of course, it manages to lack any kind of story coherence while doing all those things. What makes it all more glaring than usual is the way “Beware My Cheating Bart” so closely follows the plot, structure, and even jokes of the boundlessly superior “New…
Quote of the Day
“Tell me more! I want to know all the constellations.” – Pepe “Well, there’s Jerry the Cowboy, and that big dipper looking thing? Alan . . . the Cowboy.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“I’m sorry, ma’am, but everything on the menu has fish in it.” – Frying Dutchman Waiter “What about the bread, does that have much fish in it?” – Marge Simpson “Yes.” – Frying Dutchman Waiter Happy birthday Conan O’Brien!
Crazy Noises: Beware My Cheating Bart
“Bart, could you go get the cupcakes?” – Marge Simpson “Cupcakes? Cupcakes. Yes. Sweet cakes for all.” – Bart Simpson As part of our tireless efforts to demonstrate the many ways Zombie Simpsons fails to entertain, Season 23 will be subjected to the kind of rigorous examination that can only be produced by people typing short messages at one another. More dedicated or modern individuals might use Twitter for this, but that’s got graphics and short links and little windows that pop up when you put your cursor over things. The only kind of on-line communications we like are the…