Image used under Creative Commons from Wikimedia Commons. “We need the money, and my life is pretty boring. Last week, some Jehovah’s Witnesses came to the door and I wouldn’t let them leave. They snuck away when I went in the kitchen to get more lemonade.” – Marge Simpson
Month: April 2010
Synergy Wears Down
Image used under Creative Commons license from Flickr user marwho. “Homey, why don’t you lie down and relax.” – Marge Simpson “No time, Marge, I think Mr. Burns wants me to do some long division.” – Homer Simpson I think all those staff cuts at IGN are finally having an effect. Last week I noticed that their fluff piece on “American History X-Cellent” was unusually short. Now comes this week’s entry, and it’s even shorter. Out of curiosity, I grabbed all the reviews from calendar 2010 and ran a word count. Starting with “Thursdays with Abie” and running through “The…
Quote of the Day
“What would you recommend for a family that’s not sure they should be here?” – Marge Simpson “The ‘Sushi Surprise’, a little bit of everything. It is very non-threatening.” – Akira Happy Birthday George Takei! [Edited because I forgot the word “not” the first time.]
Ratings Catastrophe Continues
“That story isn’t suitable for children.” – Lisa Simpson “Really? I keep my pants on in this version.” – Chief Wiggum Remember when Chief Wiggum used to go to speakeasies, porno theaters, and brothels? Zombie Simpsons thought that was a little dull, so they decided to spice things up by grafting a cliche-ridden romantic comedy plot onto him. It’s almost as though improbable melodrama is the only thing they know how to do. Along the way they managed to turn Wiggum into something even whinier and duller than their endlessly heartbroken Moe. In terms of sheer character destruction, that’s pretty…
Quote of the Day
“Those guys must be millionaires…” – Bart Simpson “I’ll bet they get all kinds of girls…” – Nelson Muntz “I question the educational value of this assembly” – Ms. Hoover “Hey, it’ll be one their few pleasant memories when they’re pumping gas for a living.” – Mrs. Krabappel
Sunday Preview: “Chief of Hearts”
Another Sunday is upon us and while there’s no promo picture for tonight’s “Chief of Hearts,” we’ve got a gut-wrenching description via Wikipedia: Homer is completing his court-ordered community service when he befriends his supervisor, Chief Wiggum, by offering him one of his sandwiches. Touched by the act of kindness, Wiggum assigns the other convicts unpleasant tasks, but allows Homer to join him at the picnic table. They continue to grow close, but when the Chief gets injured during a botched bank robbery, Homer doesn’t come through when Wiggum needs him the most. Meanwhile, Bart becomes addicted to Battle Ball,…
Quote of the Day
“Sit perfectly still. Only I may dance.” – Conan O’Brien Happy birthday Conan O’Brien!
Quote of the Day
“If cartoons were meant for adults, they’d put them on in primetime.” – Lisa Simpson Happy birthday Bill Kopp! (He was a character animator for the shorts.)
Reading Digest: Insufficient Zealotry Edition
“Now, this is a picture of your enemy, Todd Flanders. Every day, I want you to spend fifteen minutes staring at it, and concentrating on how much you hate him, and how glorious it will be when you and Charlene annihilate him!” “Who’s Charlene?” – Bart Simpson “I’ll show you who Charlene is!” – Homer Simpson This week we have two links to people who think Zombie Simpsons is much worse than The Simpsons, and yet they cannot quite bring themselves to condemn it. I find their lack of hate disturbing. Oh well, it’s nice to have them on…
Quote of the Day
“How can you even think of releasing Side Show Bob?!?” – Marge Simpson “He’s Just faking it to get out of jail! He’s a maniac!” – Bart Simpson “Bob is no maniac. He explained his reasons for trying to kill us all, and I assure you they were perfectly sane.” – Mayor “Diamond” Joe Quimby
Compare & Contrast: Nude Burns
“Hey Mom, did he have those spots all over his body?” – Bart Simpson “I heard that!” – C.M. Burns One of the few genuinely interesting things I learned while tormenting myself with the Season 12 commentaries was that Zombie Simpsons isn’t allowed to show ass crack. (Of course, The Simpsons was so fond of cartoon nudity that they had enough for an entire ending credits montage of it by the middle of Season 7.) Now, all shows labor under some burden of censorship, that’s just the way of the world. But Zombie Simpsons doesn’t even try to get clever…
Quote of the Day
“Please, please kids, stop fighting. Maybe Lisa’s right about America being the land of opportunity, and maybe Adil has a point about the machinery of capitalism being oiled with the blood of the workers.” – Homer Simpson Happy 20th Anniversary to “The Crepes of Wrath”! Original airdate 15 April 1990.
Crazy Noises: American History X-cellent
“Don’t worry honey, I’m sure your father is . . .” – Marge Simpson “Maybe . . . No . . . That’s a long shot . . . Bingo.” – Marge’s Brain “Don’t worry, he’ll be here.” – Marge Simpson In our continuing mission to bring you only the finest in low class, low brow, and low tech internet Simpsons commentary we’re bringing back our “Crazy Noises” series and applying it to Season 21. Because doing a podcast smacks of effort we’re still using this “chatroom” thing that all the middle schoolers and undercover cops seem to think is…
Quote of the Day
Image used under Creative Commons license from Wikimedia Commons. “Well sure, the Frinkiac 7 looks impressive – don’t touch it! – but I predict that within one hundred years, computers will be twice as powerful, ten thousand times larger, and so expensive that only the five richest kings of Europe will own them.” – Professor Frink
Synergy Sees What It Wants to See
One of these is not like the others. “Wait, I’m confused about the movie. So the cops knew that internal affairs was setting them up?” – Homer Simpson “What are you talking about? There’s nothing like that in there.” – Movementarian Guy “Oh, you see when I get bored I make up my own movie. I have a very short attention span.” – Homer Simpson This week, IGN pulled its usual stunt of disparaging Zombie Simpsons while still giving it a ridiculously high numerical score (6.9). I had to make a surprisingly small number of changes to edit out the…
Quote of the Day
Image on left used under Creative Commons license from Flickr user pablo.sanchez. “Mr. Jefferson, my name is Lisa Simpson, and I have a problem.” – Lisa Simpson “I know your problem, the Lincoln Memorial was too crowded.” – Thomas Jefferson “Sorry sir, it’s just-” – Lisa Simpson “No one ever comes to see me. I don’t blame them, I never did anything important, just the Declaration of Independence, the Louisiana Purchase, the dumbwaiter-” – Thomas Jefferson “Uh, maybe I should be going. I caught you at a bad time.” – Lisa Simpson “Wait! Please don’t go, I get so lonely.”…
Security at Burns Manor Has Really Gotten Lax
“Going somewhere?” – C.M. Burns “That’s impossible! How did you get here first?” – Bart Simpson “Oh, there’ll be plenty of time for explanations later.” – C.M. Burns Zombie Simpsons Writer #1: Have we ever had Smithers take over the power plant? [10 second pause] Zombie Simpsons Writer #2: I don’t think so. ZSW#1: How do we get rid of Burns? [20 second pause] ZSW#2: Could we send him to prison? ZSW#1: Why not? How do we get him out of prison? ZSW#2: What if Homer broke in to prison? ZSW#1: That’s stupid- [Intern pokes head in door] Intern: Lunch…
Quote of the Day
“There’s a box you can sleep in.” – Bart Simpson “Thanks.” – Chester J. Lampwick “Just move that cot out of the way.” – Bart Simpson “Okay.” – Chester J. Lampwick “Do you know what radon is?” – Bart Simpson “No.” – Chester J. Lampwick “Good night.” – Bart Simpson
Sunday Preview: “American History X-Cellent”
After a blissful two-week reprieve, tonight we have fresh Zombie Simpsons to endure. This one’s called “American History X-Cellent,” a not-so-subtle twist on the feisty romp from 1998 that was “American History X.” While I don’t expect any scenes of graphic curb-stomping, I do expect that tonight’s episode will be equally difficult to watch. Here’s the lowdown from our friends at Simpsons Channel: When the police are called to diffuse a rowdy crowd at Mr. Burns’ estate, one of the officers recognizes priceless stolen paintings on the walls, and the maniacal billionaire is taken downtown for questioning. With Mr. Burns…
Quote of the Day
“Who died and made you boss?” – Nelson Muntz “Mr. Estes, the publications advisor.” – Lisa Simpson