“But the grocery store sells sugar for thirty-five cents a pound.” – Marge Simpson “And it doesn’t have nails and broken glass in it.” – Lisa Simpson “Those are prizes!” – Homer Simpson This episode is terrible, no two ways about it. It begins with Homer attempting to win a world record (including a bit where all the townspeople roll through town in a giant ball), has a middle with Marge as a moral crusader against sugar, and ends with Homer as a smuggler. It makes no sense, and what few jokes exist are basically stapled to the story as…
Month: September 2010
Quote of the Day
“And who are you little boy?” – Mayor “Diamond” Joe Quimby “I’m one of your nephews you don’t see very often… Bart-Bart.” – Bart Simpson
Compare & Contrast: Camp Songs
Someday I may run out of examples of how Zombie Simpsons is watery gruel compared to the hearty, nourishing comedy stew that was The Simpsons, but not today. I’d like to compare the camp song in “Elementary School Musical” to the one in “Kamp Krusty”. Both songs take about fifty seconds of screen time, with the one from Zombie Simpsons being a little bit longer. Here are the complete lyrics of the song from Zombie Simpsons: Lea Michele: I, I love the elegant pearls you wear. Cory Monteith: And the starfish shape that constitutes your hair. Amber Riley: You’ll be…
Crazy Noises: Elementary School Musical
“Now, Miss Simpson, I hope we won’t have a repeat of yesterday’s outburst of unbridled creativity.” – Mr. Largo “No, sir.” – Lisa Simpson There are two horrible, glaring problems with this episode that we didn’t cover at all in the discussion below. The first is that while the Conchords provide what little levity this episode has, they also make no sense, and that’s before they fly off the roof at the end. (Lucy Lawless did that, let me check, eleven seasons ago . . . in a Halloween episode. Bravo for originality.) The idea is that they’re poor artists,…
Quote of the Day
“We now return to ‘Two for Tunisia’ on Colorization Theater.” – TV Announcer Happy Birthday Gabor Csupo! (He did a lot of the early animation and character models.)
Somebody Please Pay Attention To Us!
“So, you want ventriloquism do you? Alright, watch this!” – Krusty the Klown It has been a very long time since I was a regular Sesame Street viewer, even various junior family members I’ve babysat over the years have now outgrown it. On top of that, I have an almost physical revulsion to celebrity “news”. I go out of my way to avoid knowing about the latest brouhaha surrounding famous people of every stripe which, given the pervasiveness of such information, is itself something of a chore. My apathy about this subject typically extends to announcements about the latest celebrity…
Quote of the Day
“This was the happiest time of my life. I’ll never forget you guys — especially you, Joey.” – Homer Simpson “See you around, Mr. Homer.” – Joey “Don’t worry Joey, we’ll make it to California someday.” – Homer Simpson “Sure we will Mr. Homer, sure we will.” (coughs violently) – Joey Loyal Stonecutter’s Note: No, they won’t. The pessimism of this exchange in Homer’s otherwise bittersweet parting moment is cruel, borderline cold, and entirely brilliant.
Getting Colder
“It was an unusually warm February 14th, so the children walked home without jackets.” – Lisa Simpson In all its manic motion – to Europe!, to camp!, to Not Brooklyn! – Zombie Simpsons never stops to develop a character, tell a story or, heaven forbid, make sense from one scene to the next. To take just one example, Lisa rides her bike to hang out with the Conchords in what she imagines is their cool artist abode. She’s wearing just her usual red dress. Once she gets inside, they have her shiver and complain that it’s cold (because they have…
Quote of the Day
“Any experience?” – Olde Springfield Towne Casting Director “Yes, I played Panicky Idiot Number Two in The Poseidon Adventure.” – Actor “Sorry, we’re looking for more of a ‘duh duh’ idiot.” – Olde Springfield Towne Casting Director
Sunday Preview: “Elementary School Musical”
As I conjure up this post on a beautiful Sunday morning, I am filled with a sense of loathing and revulsion. This isn’t “The Simpsons.” This is a tired, miserable, train wreck of a television series grasping at straws that don’t exist to stay relevant to people who don’t care. The description of the Season 22’s opener, “Elementary School Musical,” isn’t pretty: When Krusty the Clown is announced as the recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize, Homer invites Bart to accompany him on a trip to Oslo for the ceremony. Sensing that Lisa would feel left out, Marge surprises her…
Quote of the Day
“Go ahead, water it down some more.” – Principal Skinner Tonight on FOX, the stagnant backwash of the greatest show in history. Animation Domination!
Quote of the Day
“Back then we didn’t care what anyone thought, and the chicks found that irresistible.” – Homer Simpson “I think you’re cool, Homer Simpson.” – Sandra “Sandra, that was mean.” – Sandra’s Hot Friend
Reading Digest: “Season 22? What Season 22?” Edition
“I’ll just be a second, Marge. I’m going to get some beer for those kids over there.” – Homer Simpson “I’m gonna pretend that I didn’t hear that.” – Marge Simpson Lots of good links this week, we’ve got some Simpsons love from both a vegetarian site and a vegan site, scientists with cunning marketing skills, someone who’s never actually watched the show, some excellent usage, and a couple of musical links. Oh, is there some worthless cross-promotional stunt happening on Sunday? I hadn’t noticed. Enjoy. The Simpsons: Saying a lot with a little – Smooth Charlie’s Link of the…
Bonus Quote of the Day
Image shamelessly stolen from his IMDb page. “Krusty, I’m man enough to admit I was wrong, and I’m sorry I fingered you in court. I sincerely hope that the horrible stories I heard about what goes on in prison are exaggerated.” – Homer Simpson Happy Birthday to longtime Simpsons director/animator/whatever Brad Bird!
Quote of the Day
“Oh sure, like lawyers work in big skyscrapers and have secretaries, and look at him, he’s wearing a belt. That’s Hollywood for you.” – Lionel Hutz Phil Hartman would’ve been 62 today. Happy birthday.
“Gump Roast” Makes Baby Jesus Cry
“Marge, the comedy roast is an American tradition. It’s what gives us the freedom to criticize our social betters. Hey Flanders, you smell like manure!” – Homer Simpson “Uh-oh, better cancel that dinner party tonight. Thanks for the nose news neighbor.” – Ned Flanders This one might set a record for ignoring what’s going on in the episode in favor of unrelated chit chat. (Al Jean even tells another joke, though it’s more of a story.) However, I can’t really blame them, this is a clip show and there just isn’t much here. When they spend two minutes reminiscing about…
Quote of the Day
“Well it’s Bart Simpson! Come on in, you’re just in time for ‘Sponge Bath The Old Folks Day!’” – Ned Flanders “Help yourself, but stay above the equator!” – Jasper Beardly “Ahhhhhh!” – Bart Simpson
Crazy Noises: The Principal and the Pauper
“Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Capital City’s nakedest ladies. They’re not even wearing a smile. Nod suggestively. Yes, six, count ’em, six gorgeous ladies just dying for your leers and catcalls. Yowza. Yowza.” – Whatever the Hell His Name Is In This Episode There’s new Zombie Simpsons Sunday, so this is the last of our summer series overthinking Season 9. Why Season 9? Because we did Season 8 last summer, and Season 9 was when the show started becoming more Zombie than Simpsons. Since we’re too lazy to do audio and too ugly to do video, we’ve booked a “chatroom” (ours…
Quote of the Day
“Oh, I only grew half an inch. I’m still too short.” – Bart Simpson “Growing half an inch in one day is still pretty good, Bart.” – Marge Simpson “Yeah that’s how fast Grampa is shrinking.” – Lisa Simpson “Oh I’m as tall as I ever was.” – Grampa Simpson
Crazy Noises: This Little Wiggy
“Alright, alright, now, you’re over stimulated. Let’s get some beer in you and then it’s right to bed.” – Marge Simpson “Woo-hoo! Beer beer beer! Bed bed bed!” – Homer Simpson There’s new Zombie Simpsons Sunday, so this is the last of our summer series overthinking Season 9. Why Season 9? Because we did Season 8 last summer, and Season 9 was when the show started becoming more Zombie than Simpsons. Since we’re too lazy to do audio and too ugly to do video, we’ve booked a “chatroom” (ours is right between the one with the sexy seventh graders and…