“Colonel Klink! Why have you forsaken me?” – Homer Simpson The hallucinatory Stradivarius Cain in “The Spy Who Learned Me” isn’t quite as bad an idea as a tiny green space alien that only Homer can see, but it’s not far off. Even if we set aside some of the more glaring incongruities about Homer’s imaginary friend (what’s with the other imaginary characters interacting with him? were there any reasons besides killing time and cross promotional masturbation for him to pop out of FOX’s stupid football robot?), we’re still left with a number of problems that illustrate not only how…
Month: May 2012
Quote of the Day
“Hey, didn’t you direct ‘Unnatural Discretion’?” – Homer Simpson “Well, yes, I did.” – Director “Phew-ee, whew, oh, you know I never walk out of a movie, but yecch.” – Homer Simpson Happy Birthday James L. Brooks!
Crazy Noises: The Spy Who Learned Me
“Ah, McBain, so glad you could make it. Have a salmon puff.” – Senator Mendoza “Alright.” – McBain As part of our tireless efforts to demonstrate the many ways Zombie Simpsons fails to entertain, Season 23 will be subjected to the kind of rigorous examination that can only be produced by people typing short messages at one another. More dedicated or modern individuals might use Twitter for this, but that’s got graphics and short links and little windows that pop up when you put your cursor over things. The only kind of on-line communications we like are the kind that…
Quote of the Day
“Aunt Selma, do you think you’ll ever get married?” – Lisa Simpson “Oh, I don’t know. Why? You know somebody?” – Selma Bouvier “No. And since I’m sure that you’d only resent the pity of an eight-year-old niece, I’ll simply hope that you’re one of the statistically insignificant number of forty-year-old single women who ever find their fair prince.” – Lisa Simpson
Failing to Make Fun of James Bond, Bravo Zombie Simpsons
“Well, here we are at the Brad Goodman lecture.” – Homer Simpson “We know, Dad.” – Lisa Simpson “I just thought I’d remind everybody. After all, we did agree to attend this self help seminar.” – Homer Simpson “What an odd thing to say.” – Bart Simpson Near the end of “The Spy Who Learned Me”, Homer and Marge are running away from a nameless (and apparently Bolivian) guy who has just pulled a gun on Homer. This is the dialogue . . . Marge: Why is he trying to kill you? And why did she call you her love?…
Bonus Quote of the Day
“I won’t lie to you, in this job, you will be shot at. Each of these bullet wounds is a badge of honor.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon “Badge of honor.” – Homer Simpson “Here’s a pointer, try to take it in the shoulder.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon Happy Birthday Mike Reiss!
Quote of the Day
“Hello, I’m actor Troy McClure, you kids might remember me from such educational films as ‘Lead Paint: Delicious but Deadly’, and ‘Here Comes the Metric System’. I’m here to provide the facts about sex in a frank and straightforward manner. And now, here’s ‘Fuzzy Bunny’s Guide to You-Know-What’.” – Troy McClure Happy 20th Anniversary to “Bart’s Friend Falls in Love”! Original airdate 7 May 1992.
Sunday Preview: The Spy Who Learned Me
Image bloodied by Dave. It’s time for another episode of Zombie Simpsons. Per Wikipedia: Homer and Marge’s date night goes so badly that Homer, who suffered a serious head injury during the fiasco, pretends to go to work instead of staying home to recover and seeks out advice from fictional spy Stradivarius Cain, who gives Homer lessons on how to truly be the husband Marge deserves. Guest star: Bryan Cranston At least this week’s lazy, derivative episode title isn’t as long as last week’s.
Quote of the Day
“Let’s thank the Lord for another beautiful school day.” – Ned Flanders “‘Thank the Lord’? ‘Thank the Lord’! That sounded like a prayer. A prayer . . . a prayer in a public school! God has no place within these walls, just like facts have no place within organized religion!” – Superintendent Chalmers
Quote of the Day
“Everybody is going to family restaurants these days. Seems nobody wants to hang out in a dank pit no more.” – Moe “You ain’t thinking of getting rid of the dank, are you, Moe?” – Carl “Ah, maybe I am.” – Moe “Oh but, Moe, the dank! The dank!” – Carl
Reading Digest: A Tale of Two Cultural Uses
“You know what would’ve been scarier than nothing?” – Bart Simpson “What?” – Lisa Simpson “Anything!” – Bart Simpson It’s a shorter than average Reading Digest this week because two different Simpsons related things were clogging the tubes. The first is the release of this new John Cusack movie where he plays Edgar Allen Poe and has to solve mysteries. The second is the use of songs from Hot Chip and Animal Collective in last week’s Zombie Simpsons. In the case of the movie, I lost count of the number of reviews that mentioned “Treehouse of Horror”; and in the…
Quote of the Day
“Isn’t it amazing, the same day you got a pool is the same day we realized we liked you?” – Sherri “The timing worked out great, don’t you think?” – Terri Happy Birthday Russi Taylor!
Compare & Contrast: Existential Crises in Childhood
“I’m still trying to figure out what’s bothering Lisa. I don’t know, Bart’s such a handful, and Maggie needs attention, but all the while, our little Lisa’s becoming a young woman.” – Marge Simpson “Oh, so that’s it. This is some kind of underwear thing.” – Homer Simpson Beneath the unvarnished cruise line agitprop, the hastily dropped money saving plot, and that bizarre encounter with penguins in Ant-fucking-arctica lies what may be the most half-assed aspect of “A Totally Fun Thing That Bart Will Never Do Again”, its blisteringly simplistic and incomplete handling of Bart’s serious melancholy. Though the episode…
Quote of the Day
“Happy, would you like to continue living with us, your loving natural parents, or would you rather live with this twisted, loveless billionaire?” – Papa Burns “Let’s roll.” – C.M. Burns
Quote of the Day
“Carpal Tunnel Syndrome? No. Lumber Lung? No. Juggler’s Despair? No. Achy-Breaky Pelvis? No. Oh, I’m never going to be disabled. I’m sick of being so healthy!” – Homer Simpson
Crazy Noises: A Totally Fun That Thing Bart Will Never Do Again
“Well, I never thought it would come to this, but I guess we’ll have to sell Grandma’s Civil War doll.” – Marge Simpson “Oh, Mom, are you sure you want to sell a family heirloom to pay the gas bill? I mean, what would your Grandma say?” – Lisa Simpson “I’m sure she’d be proud that her descendant’s had piping hot tap water and plenty of warm, dry underwear.” – Marge Simpson As part of our tireless efforts to demonstrate the many ways Zombie Simpsons fails to entertain, Season 23 will be subjected to the kind of rigorous examination that…
Quote of the Day
“I’m sorry, Lisa, but giving everyone an equal part when they’re clearly not equal is called what again, class?” – Little Vicki “Communism!” – Dance Class “That’s right, and I didn’t tap all those Morse code messages to Allies till my shoes filled with blood just to roll out the welcome mat for the Reds.” – Little Vicki