“I guess some people never change. Or, they quickly change, and then quickly change back.” – Homer Simpson Zombie Simpsons has enough systemic and repetitive problems that I would never try to identify one that really breaks it, but the way that none of the characters ever act like themselves is especially annoying. Gaping plot holes, weak and joke free dialogue, lazy product parodies, characters appearing out of nowhere, these are all problems. But when they take characters we all know and love and have them act like versions of themselves that have suffered personality altering brain injuries it really…
Month: March 2014
Quote of the Day
“Gosh, I thought he’d be happier in his true habitat.” – Marge Simpson “Oh, I think he is.” – Wildlife Refuge Guy “Then why is he attacking all those other elephants?” – Marge Simpson “Well, animals are a lot like people, Mrs. Simpson. Some of them act badly because they’ve had a hard life or have been mistreated. But, like people, some of them are just jerks. Stop that, Mr. Simpson.” – Wildlife Refuge Guy Happy 20th Anniversary to “Bart Gets an Elephant”. Original airdate 31 March 1994.
Sunday Preview: You Don’t Have To Live Like A Referee
Homer gets recruited as a FIFA World Cup referee after Lisa praises youth soccer field in a Springfield Elementary speech contest. The Simpson family goes to Brazil where Homer’s honesty gets put to the test by one of the slickest South American gangsters in the soccer match-bribing business I have often wondered what would happen if you took a nuclear safety inspector and had him referee world class soccer matches. Good thing these writers are always one step ahead of me.
Quote of the Day
“Let me pet him again.” – Homer Simpson “You already petted him for ten minutes!” – Lisa Simpson “I know. I want to pet him again.” – Homer Simpson “You can pet the cat.” – Marge Simpson “The cat? What’s the point?” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“I’ve been wanting to tell you off for years, but I never had the nerve.” – Homer Simpson “I don’t know you. My wife and your wife are friends. We met just three hours ago.” – Guy “You stink! You and your whole lousy operation stinks, I quit!” – Homer Simpson “Uh, gee, don’t, don’t quit.” – Guy “Alright, then.” – Homer Simpson
Reading Digest: Burns Is The Symbol of All Evil Edition
“Smithers, I’m not going to make it. I want to dictate my epitaph.” – C.M. Burns “Go ahead.” – Mr. Smithers “Charles Montgomery Burns. American . . . and Patriot. American Patriot. Master of the Atom. Scourge of the Despot. Oh, tyrant hear his mighty name and quake! Smithers, I’m back!” – C.M. Burns We’ve got two links this week where the one, the only Charles Montgomery Burns is held up as all that is soulless and wrong, one about finger tenting being a sign that you might be a villain and the other from the race for Illinois governor.…
Quote of the Day
“I’m really sorry, I kinda traded your soul to the guy at the comic book store. But look, I got some cool Pogs: Alf Pogs. Remember Alf? He’s back! In Pog form.” – Milhouse van Houten Happy birthday Alf Clausen!
Quote of the Day
“You think she has talent?” – Marge Simpson “Sure!” – Li’l Ludwig’s Guy “Do you think she could be a professional some day?” – Marge Simpson “Oh, Lord, no!” – Li’l Ludwig’s Guy “But I’ll practice every day!” – Lisa Simpson “Yeah, well, I’ll be frank with you, Lisa. And when I say frank, I mean, you know, devastating. You’ve inherited a finger condition known as stubbiness. It usually comes from the father’s side.” – Li’l Ludwig’s Guy Happy birthday George Meyer!
Compare & Contrast: Milhouse’s Parents Split Up
“You know who the real victim is in all of this? Milhouse.” – Marge Simpson Zombie Simpsons excels at telling the audience what is happening rather than showing them, which is the script writing equivalent of being a bricklayer who doesn’t use mortar. Show don’t tell is so fundamental to the job that you have to wonder how anyone could forget it, and the proof is in the piles of rubble that they try to pass off as finished work. Case in point from this week’s dreary “The War of Art” was Milhouse’s reaction to his parents breaking up. Thanks…
Quote of the Day
“We can buy real periodic tables instead of these promotional ones from Oscar Mayer.” – Principal Skinner “Now, who can tell me the atomic weight of baloneyium?” – Mrs. Krabappel “Ooh, delicious!” – Martin Prince “Correct. I would also accept snacktacular.” – Mrs. Krabappel
Quote of the Day
“Don’t you think you should get a little fresh air, and maybe some exercise?” – Marge Simpson “Yeah, but what are you gonna do?” – Bart Simpson
Behind Us Forever: The War of Art
“Oh, Kenny, look at the interplay of light and shadow. It’s so luminous and vibrant!” – Lisa Simpson “Thanks, Lisa, I painted that one. The real one’s in my garage.” – Kenny the Museum Guard If there is one topic on which Zombie Simpsons has a thorough and well practiced knowledge, it is imitating great art. That didn’t help them keep “The War of Art” from being a meandering, exposition filled wasteland, of course, but it does add a nice level of unintentional meta-irony that will help you through what passes for the third act. By the time Max von…
Quote of the Day
“I can’t believe you’re here. Dad always told me you died while I was at the movies.” – Homer Simpson
Sunday Preview: The War Of Art
Marge and Homer get a bargain on a painting at the Van Houten’s yard sale, and later learn that it is a masterpiece worth $100,000, so they wrestle with splitting the money with their neighbors or keeping it all. I am sure it isn’t going to be that much of the plot, but the aura of disappointment and general failure with which The Simpsons paints Kirk Van Houten used to be one of my favorite things. However, that was nearly a generation ago, and over the years it is starting to wear thin. Seriously, “A Milhouse Divided” aired in 1996.…
Quote of the Day
“Are you sure this is the casino? I think I should call my manager.” – Robert Goulet “Your manager says for you to shut up.” – Nelson Muntz “Vera said that?” – Robert Goulet
Quote of the Day
“Ow, ow, stupid trash, rotten, stinky, hate world, revenge soon, take out on everyone.” – Homer Simpson
Reading Digest: Making Life Imitate the Simpsons Edition
“My turn: Kwyjibo, k, w, y, j, i, b, o. Twenty-two points, plus triple word score, plus fifty points for using all my letters, game’s over, I’m outta here.” – Bart Simpson “Wait a minute, you little cheater. You’re not going anywhere until you tell me what a kwyjibo is.” – Homer Simpson “Kwyjibo, uh, a big, dumb, balding North American ape, with no chin.” – Homer Simpson “And a short temper.” – Marge Simpson “I’ll show you a big dumb balding ape!” – Homer Simpson “Uh-oh, kwyjibo on the loose!” – Bart Simpson I put this up on Twitter…
Compare & Contrast: Marge Becomes Less Attracted to Homer
“Mr. Burns, can you make me thin again?” – Homer Simpson “I guarantee it. . . . One . . . one! . . . one! . . . Bah, I’ll just pay for the blasted liposuction!” – C.M. Burns “Woo-hoo!” – Homer Simpson The Simpsons always had an acknowledged and popular soft touch with big emotions. For all the craziness going on in the rest of the episode, they could deftly deliver both believably sweet moments and ones that packed real punch. The same show that has Marge finally snap at Bart’s selfishness and yell that he ruined Thanksgiving…
Quote of the Day
“Your cholesterol level is lethally high, but I’m more concerned about your gravy level.” – Dr. Hibbert “Now, wait a second, you doctors have been telling us to drink eight glasses of gravy a day.” – Homer Simpson “You’re a little confused.” – Dr. Hibbert “Oh, confused, would we?” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“The snow’s melted, we can go outside again! . . . Oh, I don’t like the looks of those teenagers.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson