“Now, folks, a seven and five football season doesn’t come cheap, and this is a fundraiser . . . seal the exits.” – Springfield University Chancellor
Month: August 2013
Reading Digest: Must Be Labor Day Edition
“Now look, stop calling me and start enjoying your vacation. Remember, I want to see lots of pictures when you get back.” – C.M. Burns “Uh, actually sir, picture taking is not allowed at this particular resort. Oop, I gotta now. There’s a line forming behind me.” – Mr. Smithers There are only two really slow periods for the internet during the year, the Christmas-New Year’s holiday gauntlet when all the big media companies are basically shut down for everything except really important breaking news, and late August when, for reasons of warm weather vacation, they do the same thing. …
Quote of the Day
“In today’s news, a two-ton rhino escaped from the Springfield zoo. But zoo officials were quick to act, and Petunia, as she is known, is safely back in captivity. In other news, a three-ton rhino that escaped from the zoo last week is still at large.” – Kent Brockman
Quote of the Day
“I don’t have the money to produce the cartoons! I lost everything! I can’t even keep my Dad’s head in the freaking cryogenic center anymore. . . . You comfortable in there, daddy?” – Roger Meyers Jr.
Quote of the Day
“No! Don’t kill me! I didn’t know there was film in that camera in that hat! I was unaware! I was unaware!” – Homer Simpson “Mr. Simpson, you misunderstand me. In my village, this is the traditional pose of apology.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon “Oh.” – Homer Simpson “You know, now that I think about it, it may be a little confusing. Many have died needlessly.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon
Quote of the Day
“Smithers, guess what happened to me last night?” – C.M. Burns “I don’t know, sir. You had sex with that old woman?” – Mr. Smithers “She said no to me! Do you know how many women have said no to me? One-hundred-thirty! But only one since I’ve become a billionaire.” – C.M. Burns
Quote of the Day
“Though I’ll be inoculating babies in Kampuchea, my heart will always be with you.” – Lisa Simpson “That sucks. How ’bout ‘Crocodiles bit off my face’?” – Bart Simpson “That’s disgusting. And besides, when a woman loves a man it doesn’t matter that a crocodile bit off his face.” – Marge Simpson “I may hold you to that, Marge.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Come on, Bart, while your Dad gets his glasses we’ll go shop for your trip.” – Marge Simpson “Oh, I hate shopping. Just get me a deck of cards and I’ll win whatever I need from the other kids.” – Bart Simpson
Quote of the Day
“I knew all this stuff would come in handy someday. Let’s see now, ah, here it is: the Complete Handyman’s Bookshelf, Volume 1, Spice Racks.” – Homer Simpson
Reading Digest: Summer Lull Edition
“Well, you’re certainly doing your job today, Mr. Sun. Oh, rats.” – Hans Moleman The internet didn’t have much by way of Simpsons stuff this week, so it must be the middle of August. We do have some very good reads, though, including a Simpsons themed short story, a passionate, life long embrace of the show, and an excellent job quitting Troy McClure e-mail. In addition to that there’s some Season 5 and 6 trivia, a couple of food related excellent references, and a couple of haikus. Enjoy. [Note: I’m out of town and away from the internet for the…
Quote of the Day
“Our first issue, sir, is our low productivity and record high worker accident rate.” – Mr. Smithers “Any suggestions?” – C.M. Burns “A round of layoffs might wake up the idiots.” – Male Executive “We could put caffeine in the water cooler.” – Female Executive “Those are my ideas! You people don’t think, you regurgitate!” – C.M. Burns
Today I Am a Clown Makes Baby Jesus Cry
Image shamelessly yoinked from here. “This is worse than your song about Mr. T.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon “I pity the fool who doesn’t like . . . he.” – Homer Simpson This episode has a cavalcade of guest voices, several of whom are playing themselves, plus Homer gets a new job as a talk show host. Happily, they spend most of the commentary ignoring the episode and telling stories about Mr. T, who is apparently exactly like his public persona when he’s recording voices. It’s also worth pointing out that by this point in Zombie Simpsons, even the DVD…
Quote of the Day
“So, kids, caught anything?” – Dave Shutton “Not yet, sir.” – Lisa Simpson “What are you using for bait?” – Dave Shutton “My brother’s using worms. But I, who feel the tranquility far outweighs the actual catching of fish, am using nothing.” – Lisa Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Oh, sweetie, you look so much better. Ready to go back to school?” – Marge Simpson “I don’t know, I mean I could risk it, but-” – Lisa Simpson “No, no, you just stay put.” – Marge Simpson “Wow, you didn’t even feel her forehead. How do I get that kind of credibility?” – Bart Simpson “With eight years of scrupulous honesty.” – Marge Simpson “Enh, it’s not worth it.” – Bart Simpson [Apologies this was late again. (And how!) Still have no internet at home and wow does it fuck everything up.]
Quote of the Day
“Oh, must you bray night and day at that infernal television?” – Sideshow Bob “Oh, look who’s talking.” – Minimum Security Inmate #1 “Yeah, Bob, you used to be on this show.” – Minimum Security Inmate #2 “Don’t remind me. My foolish capering destroyed more young minds than syphilis and pinball combined.” – Sideshow Bob [Apologies for lateness on this. Moving sucks and I still have no internet at my new home.]
Quote of the Day
“Excuse me, do you sell ponies?” – Homer Simpson “Uh, sure, pal, right here.” – All Creatures Great and Cheap Guy “Scottish deer hound, hey, this is a dog!” – Homer Simpson “Oh, my friend, you’re smarter than I gave you credit for.” – All Creatures Great and Cheap Guy
Quote of the Day
“You promised to take us to the lake.” – Lisa Simpson “I promise you kids lots of things. That’s what makes me such a good father.” – Homer Simpson “Actually, keeping promises would make you a good father.” – Lisa Simpson “No, that would make me a great father.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Bart, don’t feed your sister hotels.” – Marge Simpson “Don’t worry, Mom, there’s tons of these things.” – Bart Simpson
Reading Digest: McClure Poster Edition
“Welcome to the Knowledgeum, I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such automated information kiosks as Welcome to Springfield Airport and Where’s Nordstrom?” – Troy McClure A new Tumblr hit the internet this week, dedicated to fake posters for Troy McClure movie titles. We have three links about it, and deservedly so. It’s got everything from Hydro, The Man With the Hydraulic Arms to Let’s Save Tony Orlando’s House. In addition to that, we’ve got a bunch of links about the Tapped Out game, interviews with Reiss, Azaria and Ken Levine, a new rendition of the theme song, Milhouse…
Quote of the Day
“Ooh, somebody’s having a party.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon “Yeah, Friday night, want to come over?” – Homer Simpson “Oh, thank you, but this store is open twenty-four hours, it puts great demands on my time.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon “Too bad, it’s gonna be a great fight.” – Homer Simpson “Oh, the fight! Why didn’t you say something? I’ll get my brother Sanjay to cover for me. He deplores violence of all kinds.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon