“Mr. Scorpio says productivity is up two percent, and it’s all because of my motivational techniques, like donuts, and the possibility of more donuts to come.” – Homer Simpson
Month: July 2014
Quote of the Day
“We can’t lose! Look at the name of the dog I bet on!” – Homer Simpson “She’s the Fastest? Homer, I don’t think that means necessarily-” – Marge Simpson “And they’re off! She’s the fasted jump out to an insurmountable lead!” – PA Announcer “You’re lucky you’ve got looks, Marge.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Apu, if it’ll make you feel any better, I’ve learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“I bet we could buy a nice doghouse for fifty dollars.” – Marge Simpson “Marge, you’re a tool of the doghouse makers.” – Homer Simpson “I am not!” – Marge Simpson “Yes, you are. You’ve been brainwashed by all those doghouse commercials on TV.” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Don’t worry, Mom. I’ll bust you out of there just as soon as I get a cocktail dress and a crowbar.” – Bart Simpson “Bartina, until I met you, I was the loneliest warden in the penal system.” – Imaginary Warden” “Fresh.” – Bartina “Oh, down I go.” – Imaginary Warden
Quote of the Day
“What can I get for eight thousand tickets?” – Nelson Muntz “A BB gun or an Easy-Bake Oven.” – Squeaky Voiced Teen “Hot food is tempting, but I just can’t say no to a weapon.” – Nelson Muntz Happy birthday David S/X Cohen!
Quote of the Day
“What’s all that commotion? Why it’s one of those pretzel wagons the movie stars are always talking about.” – Homer Simpson “Here? At our plant?” – Lenny
Reading Digest: Makeup Edition
“This next one’s for the ladies. How many times have you gals been late for a high powered business meeting only to realize you’re not wearing makeup?” – Homer Simpson “That’s every woman’s nightmare.” – Marge Simpson “That’s why I invented this revolutionary makeup gun! It’s for the woman who only has four fifths of a second to get ready. Close your eyes, Marge. . . . And now you’re ready for a night on the town.” – Homer Simpson “Homer, you’ve got it set on whore.” – Marge Simpson That Marge related makeup line they announced a few weeks…
Quote of the Day
“Oh, it was awful. They set me on a cold metal table and prodded me with humiliating probes. And th-oh, wait, that was my physical.” – Homer Simpson “Great story, Homer. Really.” – Karl
Sorry, Uproxx, Zombie Simpsons Is Never Worth Watching
“Sorry.” – Screamatorium Carny I understand the desire for there to be funny and watchable episodes of Zombie Simpsons. Hell, I share it. If they ever made a good episode again you could get out the crayolas and color me tickled pink. But that will never happen. The show is too far gone to regain even a spark of what once made it great, and the proof of that is on display in every episode of Zombie Simpsons. And I mean every episode, as in all ten on this Uproxx list of “10 Episodes From the Past Five Years That Are Totally Worth…
Quote of the Day
“And this control stick is like the handle bars on your tricycle. Now, would you like to see where we hang our coats?” – Pilot “No, thank you. I’d rather push this button.” – Bart Simpson “No!” – Pilot “Ahhh! We’re all gonna die!” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Excuse me, we wanted to see the geek who valued the happiness of his children more than money.” – Nuclear Plant Guy #1 “Right here.” – Homer Simpson “Aww, you said his head was the size of a baseball.” – Nuclear Plant Guy #2
Quote of the Day
“Aww, not again.” – Clumsy Student Mover
Quote of the Day
“Come on, come on, I got a body in the trunk!” – Gangster
Quote of the Day
“So, Krusty, what are you gonna do about your tax problem?” – Bart Simpson “Don’t sweat it. The life of Rory B. Bellows is insured for a surprisingly large amount.” – Krusty the Klown
Quote of the Day
“Do not be alarmed. That is just my helper monkey, sir. I got him after a robber shot me six times and left me for dead.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon “Helper monkey, eh?” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Homer, you know how unpredictable the French are. One minute they’re kissing a woman’s hand, the next they’re chopping off her head. What if they start a war?” – Marge Simpson “Relax, I built a bomb shelter.” – Homer Simpson
Reading Digest: Harry Shearer Speaks Between the Lines Edition
“What did Simpson do to you?” – Mr. Smithers “Oh, nothing other than drive me to distraction with his incompetent boobery. Terrible at everything! A complete moron . . . but I’m not really free to talk right now.” – C.M. Burns Thanks to Freedom Day tomorrow, it’s a short week and nobody’s spent much of it on the internet, so this is a very short Reading Digest. And since big holidays are always some of our lowest traffic moments of the year, I thought I’d bump it to today. There’s the usual collection of usage, some fan made stuff,…
Quote of the Day
“I’ve got to stop being so petty. I should be Alison’s friend, not her competitor. I mean, she is a wonderful person.” – Lisa Simpson “Way to go, Lis. Why compete with someone who’s just gonna to kick your butt anyway?” – Bart Simpson “I prefer my phrasing.” – Lisa Simpson Happy birthday Yeardley Smith!
Quote of the Day
“Ever since I called for the rescue of that Simpson lad, I have taken a lot of heat. So, I am flip-flopping! I say: let him stay down there!” – Mayor Quimby “Yay!” – Crowd