“Ah, the Miracle Mile, where value wears a neon sombrero and there’s not a single church or library to offend the eye.” – Homer Simpson
Month: October 2010
Quote of the Day
“Okay, I’m not gonna kill you, but I’m gonna tell you three things that are gonna haunt you for the rest of your days. You’ve ruined your father, you’ve crippled your family, and baldness is hereditary!” – Homer Simpson “It is?” – Bart Simpson Happy 20th Anniversary to “Simpson and Delilah”! Original airdate 18 October 1990.
Quote of the Day
“You mean you’re willing to give up a good job and a raise just for your principles?” – C.M. Burns “Hmm, when you put it that way it does sound a little far fetched.” – Homer Simpson
Actual Instructions for Drawing Homer Simpson
“Now, using the Lombardo Method, you’ll learn to see everyday objects as a simple grouping of geometrical shapes. Here, we see how two concentric circles, various trapezoids, ellipses – and yes, even a rhombus! – can create an adorable little bunny rabbit. It’s just that easy!” – Professor Lombardo One of my little hobby horses around here is posting videos of people either drawing Simpsons characters or purporting to teach you how to draw Simpsons characters. I find these videos oddly fascinating, mostly because I can’t draw for shit and it’s neat to see how something like that gets done. …
Quote of the Day
“Well, that’s the end of the girls’ floor exercise. Now, let’s bring on the men!” – Waylon Smithers
Reading Digest: Favre Instead of Banksy Edition
“And the Oscar goes to . . .” – Rainier Wolfcastle “I’ve got to win this one, I bribed everyone in Hollywood.” – C.M. Burns “. . . George C. Scott in ‘Man Getting Hit by Football’.” – Rainier Wolfcastle As you can tell, we’ve been running behind this week. It was one of those weeks where lots of little things seem to be conspiring against you, but it’s over now. On the plus side, there is no new Zombie Simpsons for three weeks! Woo-hoo! The Banksy opening was all over the internet, and having said my piece about that…
Crazy Noises: MoneyBART
"Hey Scioscia, I don’t get it. You’re a ringer, but you’re here every night in the core busting your butt hauling radioactive waste." – Carl "Well, Carl, it’s such a relief from the pressures of playing big league ball. I mean, there you make any kind of mistake and boom, the press is all over you. Uh oh." – Mike Scioscia “Ah, don’t worry about it.” – Carl “Oh man, is this ever sweet.” – Mike Scioscia I’m very ready to be done with this episode. Unlike most Zombie Simpsons episodes this one will end up being memorable. Not because…
Quote of the Day
“Yes, by cutting off cable TV and the beer supply, I can ensure an honest winter’s work out of those lowlifes.” – C.M. Burns “Sir, did you ever stop to think that maybe it was doing this that caused the previous caretakers to go insane and murder their families?” – Mr. Smithers “Hmm, perhaps. Tell you what, we come back and everyone’s slaughtered? I owe you a coke.” – C.M. Burns
Sorry Everyone, The Banksy Thing Is Lame
Fifteen years ago, when The Simpsons was still on the air, The Critic had a scene set in the “Oliver Twist Preschool”. Skip to the 4:30 mark: For anyone who can’t get the video, here’s the important part: Adorable Child Laborer: Sir, have we made enough Simpsons merchandise yet? Cruel Workhouse Guy: Never! Never, indeed. Three years before that, The Simpsons itself made fun of its own production process: Again, for anyone who can’t see the video (or in case it gets pulled): Kent Brockman: I’m here live in Korea to give you a first hand look at how American…
Quote of the Day
Image used under Creative Commons license from Flickr user skampy. “And in environmental news, scientists have announced that Springfield’s air is now only dangerous to children and the elderly.” – Kent Brockman “Woo-hoo!” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
Left image taken from Wikimedia commons. “You know Smithers, I’ve always despised the laziness of the common worker. Then I realized his spirit was willing but the flesh was weak. So I replaced the flesh, which is weak, with steel, which is strong. Behold, the greatest breakthrough in labor relations since the cat-o-nine-tails!” – C.M. Burns
Compare & Contrast: Lisa Learns a Sport
“Let’s see . . . football . . . football, homoeroticism in, oddball Canadian rules, Phyllis George and.” – Lisa Simpson There are obviously a lot of ways “MoneyBART” fails miserably in comparison to “Homer at the Bat”, which it consciously aped. But there is a different Season 3 masterpiece to which it is pathetic and terrible in comparison: “Lisa the Greek”. In both episodes, Lisa needs to study a sport she doesn’t know about. In “MoneyBART”, everything about this, from how much she knows at first, to how she goes about it, to what she reads for research is…
Quote of the Day
“Hey brush-head, you’ve been nursing that thing for an hour.” – Ice Cream Lady “You know, I was just wondering how someone who works in an ice cream store keeps such a trim figure.” – Bart Simpson “I’ve misjudged you.” – Ice Cream Lady Doris Grau would’ve been 86 today, happy birthday.
I Can’t Think of a Baseball Metaphor for Poor Storytelling or Low Ratings
“Smithers, it’s almost game time, where the devil are my ringers?” – C.M. Burns “Sir, Mike Scioscia might not live through the night. Steve Sax is looking at six consecutive life sentences. And Ozzie Smith seems to have vanished off the face of the Earth.” – Mr. Smithers Shortly before the weak-and-lazy-even-by-their-standards introduction of throwaway voice Mike Scioscia, Zombie Simpsons demonstrated yet again just how apathetic they are towards anything that could be called storytelling. Bart and Marge are riding on a rollercoaster, and Bart makes the completely offhand remark, “You know, Mom, after only seven hours in this amusement…
Quote of the Day
“Only geeks sit in the front seat. From now on you sit in the back row, and that’s not just on the bus, it goes for school and church too.” – Bart Simpson “Why?” – Martin Prince “So no one can see what you are doing.” – Bart Simpson “Oh, I think I understand. The potential for mischief varies inversely with one’s proximity to the authority figure.” – Martin Prince “Well yeah, but don’t say it like that.” – Bart Simpson Happy 20th Anniversary to “Bart Gets an F”! Original airdate 11 October 1990.
Sunday Preview: “MoneyBART”
I have three things to say about tonight’s episode, “MoneyBART”: The only Lisa + Bart + sports rivalry episode that should exist, ever, is “Lisa on Ice.” The only episode in which Mike Scioscia matters is “Homer at the Bat.” This is the third episode of Season 22 and the third in a row with a guest star. Remember when guest voices were used sparingly? That’s all. If you’re still reading, here’s the description from Simpsons Channel: A visit by a Springfield Elementary alum-turned-Ivy-League student pushes Lisa to question her own go-getter attitude and reevaluate the scope of…
Quote of the Day
“These unfortunate people here will be instantly killed. This circle, which I am sad to say we are in, will experience a slower, considerably more painful death.” – Professor Frink
Quote of the Day
“Big deal. When I was a pup, we got spanked by presidents ’til the cows came home. Grover Cleveland spanked me on two non-consecutive occasions.” – Grampa Simpson
Reading Digest: Back to Normal Edition
“Don’t worry Bart, it seems like every week something odd happens to the Simpsons. My advice is to ride it out, make an occasional smart aleck quip, and by next week we’ll be back to where we started from, ready for another wacky adventure.” – Lisa Simpson “Aye caramba!” – Bart Simpson “That’s the spirit.” – Lisa Simpson I was a little worried that the internet would get eaten by Zuckerberg this week the way it was eaten by Glee last couple of weeks. Fortunately, it died out by Tuesday and we’ve got some quality links. There’s a lot of…
Quote of the Day
“I ventured in to search for milk when the door snapped shut behind me.” – C.M. Burns “Yeah, those dairy cases are death traps.” – Supermarket Employee