“When cat burglaries start, can mass murders be far behind? This reporter isn’t saying that the burglar is an inhuman monster like the Wolfman, but he very well could be. So, professor, would you say it’s time for everyone to panic?” – Kent Brockman “Yes I would, Kent.” – Professor
Month: March 2012
Reading Digest: Monorail Demolition Edition
“Go away! There ain’t no monorail and there never was!” – Monorail Cafe Woman The monorail in Sydney, Australia is being dismantled. Clearly the town is doomed, and since the word “monorail” has been used, people have been invoking Lyle Lanley and his cheerful brand of fraud to prove it. We’ve got two links about it, including a spectacular parody video. On top of that, we’ve got awesome donuts, I nitpick several pieces of usage, there’s a possible sighting of the very first time Bart Simpson was on television, Lenny’s trying out a couple of new things at her blog,…
Quote of the Day
“What are you blubbering about?” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson “This makes me feel special, Dad. Since I’m the one you kept, that must mean you really love me.” – Homer Simpson “Hmm, interesting theory.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson
Mike Reiss Takes You Behind the Scenes
“Welcome to Enchantment Lane, where all the parts come together and Malibu Stacy is born. Some folks say there’s a little touch of fairy dust in the air.” – Tour Lady “Aw, crap, there’s a clog in the torso chute! Leroy, get your ass in gear!” – Assembly Line Worker “Shut your hole.” – Leroy On Monday this week, Mike Reiss gave a speech at Virginia Tech. This comes from an interview conducted by the student paper in advance of that: CT: What is your involvement with the show? I’m currently a consultant. I go in every Wednesday, I fly…
Quote of the Day
“I thought I could ride this thing out, but everything’s just too weird here.” – Lisa Simpson “I know, they put honey on pancakes instead of maple syrup.” – Bart Simpson “And they read Newsweek instead of nothing!” – Lisa Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Look what I got! Now people will stop intentionally ramming our car.” – Marge Simpson “Hmm, baby on board? ‘Baby on board, something something Burt Ward’, this thing writes itself.” – Homer Simpson Happy birthday Alf Clausen!
Harry Shearer Was (Vocally) in Star Wars
“Hey, thanks everybody. You know, I’m here today as Luke Skywalker, but I’m also here to talk about Sprint. As you can see, you stand to save up to seventeen cents a month over the more dependable providers.” – Mark Hamill “Ahh, talk about Star Wars!” – Data Here’s your fun trivia fact of the day: Harry Shearer did voice work for the original Star Wars movie! He’s not sure who he was, but he did come in and record a few lines for them. I had never heard this before, and it’s not on his IMDb page, but confirmation…
Quote of the Day
“You know what I really hate about church? Those boring sermons.” – Homer Simpson “I couldn’t agree more. That Reverend Lovejoy really displeases me. I think I’ll give him a canker sore.” – God Happy birthday George Meyer!
Quote of the Day
“She’s wonderful. I could feel her sweet country soul in every digitally encoded bit.” – Lisa Simpson “Country music sucks. All it does is take precious airspace away from shock DJs whose cruelty and profanity amuse us all.” – Bart Simpson “Shut up, boy.” – Homer Simpson Happy 20th Anniversary to “Colonel Homer”! Original airdate 26 March 1992.
Quote of the Day
“Our license renewal is on the bubble. We need educational programming, fast.” – Channel 6 Executive “What about that Mattel and Mars Bar Quick Energy Chocobot Hour?” – Krusty the Klown “That’s barely legal as it is.” – Channel 6 Executive
Quote of the Day
“Tonight, my reign as Miss American Girl comes to an end. And I’d like to apologize one last time for my unfortunate remarks at the United Nations.” – Debra Jo Smallwood
Reading Digest: Forgotten Stuff Edition
“Look Scratchy, it’s our new friend, Poochie.” – Itchy “What’s that name again? I forgot.” – Scratchy Thanks to its relentless insistence on being both bland and repetitive, Zombie Simpsons manages to be incredibly forgettable despite its long run on television. Earlier in the week, I joked about “Them, Robot” swarming with magic robots, but I’d completely forgotten that they already did an episode swarming magic robots this season, “Replaceable You”. In case you also forgot (though not everyone did), that was the one where Bart and Martin build an army of robot seals who turn evil and then good…
Quote of the Day
“Now where’s my hat? I’m going to the outhouse.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson “We don’t have an outhouse.” – Lisa Simpson “My tool shed!” – Homer Simpson
Quote of the Day
“Well, that’s the miracle of the franchise. You get all the equipment and know-how you need, plus a familiar brand name people trust. You’ll be on a rocket ride to the Moon! And while you’re there, would you pick up some of that nice, green moon money for me, Royce McCutcheon?” – Royce McCutcheon “No deal, McCutcheon! That moon money is mine!” – Homer Simpson
Compare & Contrast: Hostile Robots
“Wow, this is so much like my dreams, it’s scary.” – Bart Simpson The robot apocalypse has been a staple of fiction literally since “robots” were first imagined. According to Wikipedia, the word “robot” was first coined for a Czech play about robots who, you guessed it, rise up and defeat us squishy humans. (Apparently, it’s a translation of the Czech word for “slave”. I learned something today.) That idea has been the foundation for who knows how many works of fiction, and has so thoroughly penetrated mainstream culture that making jokes about it is more or less obligatory every…
Quote of the Day
“We’re prepared to offer you an impressive salary, plus health benefits for you and your life partner.” – Globex Executive “The answer is no! What’s wrong with this country? Can’t a man walk down the street without being offered a job?” – Mr. Smithers
Crazy Noises: Them, Robot
“Crush, kill, destroy.” – 100% Loyal Robot Workers As part of our tireless efforts to demonstrate the many ways Zombie Simpsons fails to entertain, Season 23 will be subjected to the kind of rigorous examination that can only be produced by people typing short messages at one another. More dedicated or modern individuals might use Twitter for this, but that’s got graphics and short links and little windows that pop up when you put your cursor over things. The only kind of on-line communications we like are the kind that could once be done at 2400 baud. So disable your…
Quote of the Day
“And how are the little kids doing? I mean, really how are they doing? Any disabling injuries, something, say, that the gambling community might not yet know about? C’mere, let me see those knees.” – Moe “Moe, I think you should leave.” – Marge Simpson “But Blanche, you gotta help me out here, please! I’m sixty-four grand in the hole! They’re gonna take my thumbs!” – Moe
Old Dogs, Old Tricks
“I suggest you leave immediately.” – C.M. Burns “Or what? You’ll release the dogs, or the bees, or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you? Well, go ahead. Do your worst! . . . He locked the door!” – Homer Simpson Zombie Simpsons frequently repeats things from The Simpsons, but every once and a while they come up with a perfect confluence of failure, where all of the show’s many flaws combine into a single, memorable scene. The most recent one I can think of came last year, when they tossed…
Quote of the Day
“Oh, no! Mr. Burns! We’ve got to get a doctor!” – Mr. Smithers “Absolutely not! No quack sawbones is going to apply his leeches to me!” – C.M. Burns