“Lisa, we can’t afford all these books.” – Bart Simpson “Bart, we’re just gonna borrow them.” – Lisa Simpson “Oh, heh heh, gotcha.” – Bart Simpson All the chapters of “Zombie Simpsons: How the Best Show Ever Became the Broadcasting Undead” are now on-line. You can read the whole thing from start to finish for the impressive cost of absolutely nothing. Of course, if you want to feel really good about yourself as a Simpsons fan, you can still buy it at Amazon for just $2.99. Just click the purchase button and your brain will release some more endorphins. Special…
Month: May 2012
Quote of the Day
Image shamelessly yoinked from here. “Hey, Homer, you wanna get a beer on the way home?” – Carl“I can’t. I gotta take my wife to the ballet.” – Homer Simpson“Gonna go see the bear in the little car, huh?” – Lenny
Quote of the Day
“These Krusty-brand balloons are three bucks each. But get a cheap one, and what happens? Goes off! Takes out the eyeballs of every kid in the room! What’s that gonna cost you? Hey, Bill, what did that cost us?” – Krusty the Klown
Silence Is Golden
“It’s your fault I can’t talk.” – Maggie Simpson Perhaps the only really interesting thing to come out of “Lisa Goes Gaga” was the surprise announcement at the end of “The Longest Daycare”, a 3D short that will be shown before Ice Age 4, starting on July 13th. (FOX has helpfully put the announcement on YouTube, should you wish to relive all ten seconds of it.) At present, everything the internet knows about this thing comes from the brief announcement itself and from a quickie interview Al Jean gave to ew.com. Literally every other story I saw about “The Longest…
Quote of the Day
“Hey, now that Largo’s gone we can play the forbidden music.” – Database Happy birthday Danny Elfman!
Quote of the Day
“Let’s have a minute of silent prayer for our good friend, Homer Simpson . . . .” – Moe “How long has it been?” – Barney Gumble “Six seconds.” – Moe “Do we have to start over?” – Barney Gumble “Hell no.” – Moe
Quote of the Day
“I see wedding bells for Vanna White and Teddy Kennedy.” – Princess Opal “Please, Princess Opal, if we could just stick to Principal Skinner.” – Chief Wiggum “Chief Wiggum, I am merely a conduit for the spirits. Ah! Willie Nelson will astound his fans by swimming the English Channel.” – Princess Opal “Really, Willie Nelson?” – Chief Wiggum Happy birthday Jo Ann Harris!
Season 2 Marathon: 22 Episodes, 22 Beers, 8h:23m:51s
“I can’t think of a better place to spend a balmy summer’s night than the old ball yard. There’s just the green grass of the outfield, the crushed brick of the infield, and the white chalk lines that divide the man from the little boy.” – Lisa Simpson “Lisa, honey, you’re forgetting the beer. It comes in seventy-two ounce tubs here.” – Homer Simpson Good morning and welcome to the sixth Simpsons-Beer Marathon. Today we’re doing Season 2. As with previous efforts, I will make use of the pause and reverse buttons to get a quote right or take a…
Quote of the Day
“Good evening, here’s an update on last week’s nursing home expose ‘Geezer’s in Freezers’. It turns out the rest home was adequately heated, the footage you saw was of a fur storage facility. We’ve also been told to apologize for using the term ‘geezers’. Now, coming up next, the case of the cantankerous old geezer.” – Kent Brockman
Reading Digest: Outsourcing Edition
“Can’t someone else do it?” – Homer Simpson This week we’ve got two links to reviews of “Lisa Goes Gaga” that use my favored technique of pointing out how crappy Zombie Simpsons is compared to The Simpsons. If this keeps up, maybe I can just outsource all of the criticism next season. In addition to that, we’ve got a great new Tumblr, a couple of longer reads about The Simpsons and other comedies, some fresh information about the Maggie short that’ll be in theaters this summer, an old video game review, two people who agree with us, and lots more…
Quote of the Day
“Homer, a man who called himself ‘you-know-who’ just invited you to a secret ‘wink-wink’ at the ‘you-know-what’. You certainly are popular now that you’re a Stonecutter.” – Marge Simpson “Oh yeah, beer busts, beer blasts, keggers, stein hoists, AA meetings, beer night, it’s wonderful, Marge. I’ve never felt so accepted in all my life. These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined.” – Homer Simpson
Strange New Places
“And where’s Barney?” – Homer Simpson “Oh, he’s with his new girlfriend, the Japanese conceptual artist.” – Principal Skinner “Barbershop is in danger of growing stale. I’m taking it to strange new places.” – Barney Gumble In the interest of not burying the lead: mocking Season 23 has been fun, but it’s also the last time we’re going to go full tilt for a new Zombie Simpsons season around here. Don’t worry, we’re not taking the site down or anything; in fact, for the next few months you shouldn’t notice much difference. Quotes of the Day will continue as normal,…
Quote of the Day
“Do you have anything by Robert Ludlum?” – Hans Moleman “Get out.” – Just Crichton and King Bookstore Employee
Crazy Noises: Lisa Goes Gaga
“Come on, Homer, join the party.” – John As part of our tireless efforts to demonstrate the many ways Zombie Simpsons fails to entertain, Season 23 will be subjected to the kind of rigorous examination that can only be produced by people typing short messages at one another. More dedicated or modern individuals might use Twitter for this, but that’s got graphics and short links and little windows that pop up when you put your cursor over things. The only kind of on-line communications we like are the kind that could once be done at 2400 baud. So disable your…
Quote of the Day
“So the next time somebody tells you carny folk are good, honest people, you can spit in their faces for me.” – Barney Gumble “I will, Mr. Gumble. But, if you’ll excuse me, I’m profiling my Dad for the school paper. I thought it would be neat to follow him around for a day to see what makes him tick.” – Lisa Simpson “Aww, that’s sweet. I used to follow my Dad to a lot of bars too.” – Barney Gumble
Compare & Contrast: Megastar Guest Voices
“We want Michael! We want Michael! We want Michael!” – Crowd “Here he is, here’s the guy want to see!” – Homer Simpson “He’s three hundred pounds!” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon “He’s white!” – Woman in Crowd “He’s dressed without flair!” – Moe “Boooo! Boo!” – Crowd It would take an awful lot of words just to catalog, to say nothing of exploring or explaining, the myriad of mistakes that comprise “Lisa Goes Gaga”. The episode had it all: bizarre and comedy free flights of fancy, unvarnished celebrity marketing, excruciatingly bad exposition, magic powers, characters acting bizarrely out of type (Lisa,…
Quote of the Day
“What ever happened to good old fashioned town pride?” – Marge Simpson “It’s been going downhill ever since the lake caught fire.” – Lisa Simpson
A Spectacular and Unwatched Catastrophe
“What the hell was that?” – Krusty the Klown Give Zombie Simpsons credit, when they embarrass themselves for a pop star, they really embarrass themselves for a pop star. From start to finish, “Lisa Goes Gaga” relentlessly displayed the pitiful imagination and mediocre craftsmanship behind Zombie Simpsons. In an episode where they outright tell the audience, right up front in an opening narration, that they’re discarding the usual rules and that weird and strange things are going to happen, just about the only weird and strange things that they managed to conjure were a lot of Lady Gaga outfits. Unfortunately…
Quote of the Day
“Where is Bart, anyway? His dinner’s getting all cold and eaten.” – Homer Simpson Happy birthday Richard Appel!
Sunday Preview: Lisa Goes Gaga
Image bloodied by Dave. The picture above is the preview image of a YouTube video they put out to promote this week’s episode. Even if it weren’t bloody, I think flying, headless, boob-cannons nicely sums up what we’re dealing with: Lisa tries to reverse her status as one of the least popular girls in school by ghostwriting positive things about herself on the school blog. When her plan backfires, her social ranking plummets to a new low – until a psychic force tells Lady Gaga (guest-starring as herself) that Lisa needs her help. With Gaga’s assistance, Lisa and the entire…